Dude Jitsu

Mark Walter
The Dude-Jitsu School of Self Defense
4 min readNov 9, 2017

Welcome to the only known Dude-Jitsu dojo. But that’s just, like, our opinion, man.

Learn the world’s slowest punches.

Believe in your ability to spread calmness.

Dude Jitsu

If you’re a practicing Dudeist, or even if you prefer napping and lounging to things like ‘practice,’ you’re in the right monastery. Just roll onto our dojo mat and do a few stretches to loosen up.

Then, checkout the monastery’s insights into that ancient martial art, the most laid back counter-punching system ever developed… Dude-Jitsu.

Dude-Jitsu’s Essential Points of Self Defense

  1. Compete with no one except yourself.
  2. Be aware of your surroundings. (Implies occasional sobriety.)
  3. If your are surrounded, relax.
  4. Abide. Your surroundings will want to imitate you. That’s nature.
  5. Self defense? The main thing you have to defend against, man, is yourself.

Dude-Jitsu’s Motto: Take it Easy

Here’s the thing: there’s a whole lot to it when your goal is to take it easy. Dude-Jitsu is about seeing it for what it is. So, taking it easy includes not just ourselves, but also includes our ability to bring that vibe to the people around us. For dudes young and old, loud or laid back… it’s a Dude-worthy mission.

If somebody’s hassling you, sometimes there can be nothing better than a well-placed, “Hey man, let’s just take it easy here.” That’s the wisdom of someone wearing a Dude-Jitsu Abide Belt around their waist.

Other times it’s less about words and more about projecting the aura of staying calm. Remember, the biggest thing you have to defend yourself against, is you.

Harry S Truman said, “The buck stops here.” Harry S Dudeist says, “The fight stops here.”

Dudeism advocates and encourages the practice of “going with the flow”, “being cool headed”, and “taking it easy” in the face of life’s difficulties, believing that this is the only way to live in harmony with our inner nature and the challenges of interacting with other people. It also aims to assuage feelings of inadequacy that arise in societies which place a heavy emphasis on achievement and personal fortune. Consequently, simple everyday pleasures like bathing, bowling, and hanging out with friends are seen as far preferable to the accumulation of wealth and the spending of money as a means to achieve happiness and spiritual fulfillment. — Wikipedia

Monks taking it slow

If you’re feelin’ a little twinge of uncertainty about all this, it might be time to go wash it all down with an ice cold oat soda. Or maybe just go wash it down for no reason at all. Or maybe just go take a nice nap. That’s Dudeism.

And God said, “Let there be Dudes.”

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Mark Walter
The Dude-Jitsu School of Self Defense

Construction worker and philosopher: “When I forget my ways, I am in The Way”