Wedding +1 Doesn’t Increase Chance to Hit, Damage
“Honestly, if I had known, I probably wouldn’t have started a fight at the reception”
Local power gamer, Seth Goberts, was disappointed this weekend to find out that his wedding +1 didn’t offer any advantage in combat. “Honestly, if I had known, I probably wouldn’t have started a fight at the reception,” Goberts tells The Dungeon Tribune. “I missed a lot. My build needed the increased accuracy.” Goberts went on to explain his reasoning in an interview conducted via his one phone call from jail. “I thought it was themed. I probably should have checked to make sure, especially after I heard the +1 had to be a human, not a sword. I figured the wedding master was just homebrewing though. This is why you have a session zero.” Anonymous sources informed us there was a session zero. “I specifically told him that the rehearsal was mandatory, we covered this issue while we were waiting for the snacks to get here” sources report.
Other reports indicate Goberts was only invited after the wedding’s paladin moved away for college. “My mom said I should invite him” said local groom and Goberts older brother Carl Goberts. “We had an empty seat. I should have uninvited him when he kept trying to flank the dancer at the bachelor’s party.”
The +1 in question, a Rachel Spretzin, was hesitant to even fill the role to begin with. “He kept asking me weird questions on the dating app,” says Spretzin. “I didn’t know what he meant by versatile, but I was intrigued when he was interested in using both hands.“
Others present for the wedding noticed peculiarities too. “He paid me with a gold coin,” says event bartender Gary Gimmul. “He told me to keep the change and then looked around for approval.” None of the odd behavior rang any alarms though, and most of those in attendance were caught flat footed by the sudden attack, scrambling to roll initiative. “I wasn’t prepared for this at all,” says Father Cliff Thaaco, the officiate at the wedding. “No one expects violence on such a day of love and beauty. I didn’t even have any healing spells prepared.”
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