Grease Soundtrack Power Rankings
Grease has to be one of the weirdest cultural staples that we have. For many of us, it was pushed on us as a kids movie like it was The Lion King or Finding Nemo. But once you realize how sexual the movie is you’ll never stop wondering why your parents were so eager for you to see it. And, no, I’m not being a prude! The entire movie is just horny high schoolers talking about masturbation and hickies while trying to get laid. And like most older movies that focus on high school students’ sex drives, the movie hasn’t exactly aged well. It’s hard to sympathize with any of the main characters (except Rizzo, the movie’s real hero). Danny is spineless: his need to be liked determines every decision he makes. Sandy is the naive damsel-in-distress who decides to change everything about herself so that she can win over Danny, who’s been an asshole to her for the entire movie.
But the soundtrack remains perhaps the best of all time. It’s really remarkable how good it is considering it had to be so many different things at once — faithful to the music of the ’50s, appeal to its ’70s audience, and constantly move the plot forward. But perhaps most importantly the songs hold up extremely well outside of the film itself, which is prett much unprecedented for a classic musical. For all the love that West Side Story gets, no one’s driving around listening to “Gee, Officer Krupke.”
There’s no consensus on what the soundtrack’s best song is and trying to choose can feel both pointless and impossible. But that didn’t stop me from trying! I’ve created the (completely subjective) Grease Soundtrack Power Rankings to help me figure out the answer to this eternal question. And it wasn’t easy. I expect this list to be completely ripped apart by Grease fanatics everywhere. But that’s what I signed up for.
A note before we begin: this is just ranking the main songs from the movie itself. Songs that are only in the play weren’t considered. I’m also not counting any of the oldies that Sha-Na-Na perform during the dance scene that weren’t written for Grease itself like “Blue Moon” or “Tears on My Pillow.” And I’m definitely not counting that “Grease Megamix” bullshit from the early ’90s (a thousand books could be written about the megamix as one of the worst fads in pop music history). Here we go!
The Throwaways:
12. Born to Hand Jive
This song is pretty unlistenable. It’s basically a half-assed remake of “Willie and The Hand Jive” with everyone in the band taking excruciatingly long solos. It sounds like bad movie montage music. Also, the disco strings in the background are really cheesy. It’s one of the rare times the soundtrack suffers from trying to cater to it’s 1978 audience instead of staying faithful to the story.
I have to admit, the hand jive scene in the movie is really fun (I think that causes some people to think the song is actually good). But one thing I never understood is why Sonny pulled Sandy away while she was dancing with Danny and why Danny let her get taken so easily. Seems like a weak plot move to get Cha Cha and Danny together on the dance floor. I don’t buy it.
11. Those Magic Changes
There’s nothing to talk about with this one. Its easily the soundtrack’s least memorable song and it sounds like it was cranked out in five minutes.
10. Beauty School Dropout
Musically, this song is just another throwaway. But Frenchie hallucinating that Frankie Avalon is her guardian angel is worlds of fun. He’s kind of an asshole, but his brutal honesty allows Frenchie to face the difficult truth about herself: she’s “got the dream but not the drive.” I’m glad Frenchie gets a spotlight song, however mediocre it is. She’s the only character besides Rizzo that displays any semblance of self-awareness. Also, the line, “missed your midterms and flunked shampoo” has to be one of the best in the movie.
The Pretty Good, But Flawed Songs:
9. Sandy
This song is the catchiest one on the list so far, but unfortunately, that’s all it has going for it. The song tries to sound earnest but falls on it’s face because Danny’s more worried about what his friends think of him than how Sandy feels. It’s hard to sympathize with a guy like that. Though I have to admit, his monologue on the swing-set with the advertisements playing in the background is a really nice moment.
8. We Go Together
I know this is one of the most iconic songs in Grease, but are we sure that it’s actually good? I guess it doesn’t really matter. It’s perfect as the finale despite its gibberish lyrics. In fact, the song works so well that people ignore the movie completely going off the rails at the end. Danny and Sandy blasting off to space in a flying car? Alvin & The Chipmunks (!!!) inexplicably singing “Witch Doctor” in the background? Grease is a ridiculous movie.
7. Summer Nights
*dodges projectile*
I get it. For many people, this song is Grease. But it has a lot going against it. It’s really overplayed — and, I mean, “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” I never want to hear this song ever again, overplayed. Also, it loses points for always ruining karaoke everywhere. Without fail, if there’s karaoke, there’s some drunk couple who picks this song because they think its hilarious to stumble around laughing about how they don’t remember the lyrics. It’s not. Also, the lyrics are an absolute train-wreck that hold up about as well as “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.”
So why isn’t this song at the bottom of the rankings? Travolta’s pained falsetto at the end stands up as one of the greatest cultural moments of the ‘70s. Not even a million terrible karaoke impressions can change that.
The “Would Be The Best Song On Most Soundtracks, But This is Grease” Songs:
6. Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee
This is basically a novelty tune, but Rizzo makes it work the perfect counterpart to the almost obnoxiously chaste Sandy. Throughout Grease, she provides enough sarcasm and cynicism to keep the movie from taking itself too seriously — it would fall apart without her. And even though she’s cruel here, you can’t help but feel like Sandy kind of deserves it because her personality gets to be really grating.
In another “how could parents ever think this is a kids movie” moment, I have to ask what exactly is the point of Rizzo saying “fongool” at the end of the song? Shock value? It’s obnoxious and out of place.
5. You’re The One That I Want
In the movie’s climax, Danny finally realizes love is more important than fitting in with his friends and unveils his masterplan for holding on to Sandy by turning jock. He tries to brush it off as an act of maturity, telling his friends, “while you tools were out stealing hubcaps, I lettered in track.” But this is just typical Danny Zuko: he’ll change himself completely to win the respect of other people. He’s only shifted his attention from his friends to Sandy.
But Danny lucks out because in the movie’s big plot twist, Sandy has already decided to completely change herself to win him over. So he can still be the cool rebel everyone loves and get the girl! But as we know from their earlier beach romance, Danny’s whole bad boy thing is really just an act. Maybe the sad truth of the movie is that Danny unknowingly loses himself and is forever trapped in the greaser role he’s played his entire life.
Danny and Sandy singing this song on the shake shack ride is one of the best parts of the movie. It’s the director’s not-so-subtle way of letting us know that, in case we haven’t gotten it by yet, Danny finally gets his wish and has sex with Sandy (and if we still don’t get it, there’s the whole car blasting off to space metaphor at the end of the movie). After all, that was the whole point of this movie, right?
4. Hopelessly Devoted to You
Here’s where things get really, really good. Olivia Newton-John’s contract stipulated that she had to have the spotlight for one song and her songwriting partner John Farrar (who also wrote “You’re the One That I Want”) turned in an absolute masterpiece for her showcase. It’s a tour de force. The fact that it misses the top three is a testament to how stacked this soundtrack really is.
Her performance of the song at the following year’s Academy Awards while infected with hepatitis is legendary. If there was ever a musical equivalent to the Jordan Flu Game this is definitely it:
After that kind of performance, it’s almost heartbreaking that she lost the Oscar for Best Original Song to Donna Summer for “Last Dance.” I’m glad I wasn’t on that panel of judges that had to make that call.
The Absolute Masterpieces That Forever Changed The Soundtrack Game:
3. Grease
While the rest of the songs at least try to fit the movie’s 1950’s setting, Barry Gibb, who was commissioned to write the theme song, obviously didn’t care about following the rules. This song couldn’t be more 1978: half dad rock, half disco, and Frankie Valli in his ’70s comeback period. They even got Peter Frampton to shred in the background! Its easily the best song on the soundtrack. In fact, it’s one of the best songs to come out of the Bee Gees pop music takeover of that era, up there with “Nights on Broadway,” “Shadow Dancing,” and, dare I say it, “How Deep is Your Love.”
So why is the song only third in the rankings? Because I couldn’t give the number one spot to a song that has nothing to do with the actual movie itself. It just wouldn’t be right.
2. Greased Lightning
“Grease” is only superficially the movie’s theme song — “Greased Lightning” is its true anthem. As the ultimate cinematic ode to cars being sexual capital, this song is pornographic on a 2 Live Crew level. Here’s a few of the lyrics: “you know that ain’t no shit, we’ll be gettin’ lots of tit,” “you know that I ain’t braggin’, she’s a real pussy wagon,” and, of course, “you are supreme, the chicks’ll cream for greased lightning.” Hell, Danny even makes, “a Palomino dashboard and duel muffler twins” sound like a Marvin Gaye lyric.
Even besides the wonderful lyrics, there’s so much to like here: Kenicke’s backing vocals, the famous choreography, Travolta’s Elvis impersonation — this is the stuff of legends.
1. There Are Worse Things I Could Do
I know this is an unpopular choice and maybe I’m just a sap, but I can’t help it. For me, this song has to be number one. It has one of the best melodies on the soundtrack, for sure, but the lyrics are what really set it apart. While the other ballads — “Hopelessly Devoted to You,” “Sandy” — are cute in a teen musical kind of way, this song is truly heartbreaking. Its impossible to not become an emotional wreck while listening to it.
The truth is that its the only song in the movie that’s genuinely moving because Rizzo is the only character with real depth. Its both her plea for sympathy and her giant “fuck you” to everyone who judges her. As gossip about her pregnancy spreads throughout the school, the lyrics reveal that she’s actually both the most self-aware and the most compassionate character in the entire movie despite her cynical facade. She’s just doesn’t play the high school games where everyone manipulates each other and lies about who they are. She’s above all of that and because of that she’s the real hero of the movie.
That’s why “There Are Worse Things I Could Do” is number one on the Grease Soundtrack Power Rankings.
