Put Your Phone Away—It’s Dinner Time

How I became the “high-tech” friend—and what my mom thinks about it

Rewind to 2003

Every year, my mom would have my brother and I go through the ads on Thanksgiving day and jot down all the stores that had sale prices on the things we wanted. I never knew what I wanted at first, but I came up with some sweet toys as I scanned those ads on Black Friday Eve. I remember discovering new toys and gadgets that I’d never think to want, like miniature digital cameras and Easy-Bake ovens. In my mind I thought, “I surely need this, it’s in the Toys“R”Us ad and everyone will have it!”

Fast-forward to 2017

I am now 25, and I still have the same issue coming up with Christmas gift ideas for my mom (to get me). My tactics have shifted a tad over the past few years, though. Now, I usually make a list of things that I need. My list of things to get when I have extra money. And I always remind my mom, “Don’t spend too much, I just want to spend time with you on Christmas,” and she gives me the “You’re my only daughter” rant and sets off to the store, list in hand—or now, in text message.

However, I didn’t just ask for things that I needed this year. I also asked for some “sweet toys” again—technology-driven ones. Alongside my list of a toaster and new winter boots were things like “The Oculus” and a “Google Home.”

So what changed? I started to develop my digital literacy. Digital literacy is one’s knowledge of new and upcoming technology—an understanding of what it is, how to use it, and where it’s going. I finally adopted the idea of letting these “cutting edge,” “upper tier,” “crazy-designer” technologies into my personal life. I had been aware of them, but they hadn’t worked their way into my creative process as a web designer. Other designers that I know in the same field weren’t really using these terms in conversation, either. We would talk about these technologies in a futuristic sense.

But that future is quickly becoming the present.

How I became the friend with all the “fancy tech things”

An unexpected switch from Apple to Android is what opened my eyes.

It was August 2016—time to renew my phone contract. Should I get another iPhone for the sixth year in a row or should I make the switch?

I felt a bit ignorant because, as a designer, I only understood the mobile experience from an Apple user’s point of view and designed experiences around those devices. I had no idea of how Android devices worked, to be honest, and was unable to accomplish any task on an Android whenever I tried to use it.

But I gradually started started to catch on to the different ways that my friends with Androids interacted with their phones. I watched my friends complete simple tasks such as looking up local restaurants by saying, “Ok, Google, what restaurants are near me?” Another thing that caught my eye was the fact that these friends could walk into the house of someone they visited often and their phone would automatically change its settings based on the location.

You may be thinking, Apple does this. What about Siri? Well, Siri and I never really got along.

Although I’d had an iPhone for almost seven years, I did not use all of the features that were offered to me. Was it that I just didn’t like them? No, I just simply didn’t know how to use them, or that they were even there. Even though Siri and Ok Google are essentially the same thing, Siri never seemed to understand a word I said, and so I lost my focus very quickly with her. This resulted in me avoiding that feature all together, leaving doors unopened.

I debated for a couple of weeks. Do I really want to leave my iPhone behind? Then I decided—why not.

Not only did I make my first switch to an Android phone that day, but I also purchased a Gear S2 watch to add to the system. I went from being okay that my Apple devices would no longer create a complete system to creating a whole new system with Android.

After I adopted the Android, I became more willing to adopt new technologies or platforms that I was once uncomfortable with. I actually started craving this. It was like a switch turned on in my head, from being caught in a routine with the things I felt comfortable with, to wanting to explore all the things that felt foreign to me. I wanted to learn how they could help me in my life and understand how they might change the future.

The final Christmas list

My holiday list ranged from a toaster to a virtual reality set and a Google Home—heck, even SnapChat Spectacles. I stopped criticizing these things and instead welcomed them into my life. So what if these technologies were not completely developed? I wanted to play the game and prepare myself for what’s to come.

I sat down on Thanksgiving with my mom and went through all the things I might want. The conversation ended this way:

“What is virtual reality? Why do you want the Oculus and not this $20 one from Walmart? What’s the difference between a Chromecast and the Amazon Fire TV Stick? Does it matter?”

My mom’s questions made me realize that we millennials understand and embrace technology differently than our parents, the baby boomers do. To her, these techs all seemed the same. But I was starting to realize which products would work together to build a successful system—which devices would be able to feed off of each other to push each other to their fullest potential. I could ask my Google Home to set an alarm on my phone for 4 p.m., or to play something from my Chromecast in another room. And the Walmart TV streaming device is a standalone device, whereas the Chromecast would fit into my full ecosystem.

“Mom, Dad, what do you think?”—the interview

So, on December 14, 2016, I sat down for my birthday dinner with my parents and decided to ask them some questions.

My dad had joined Facebook and Instagram, and my mom had started using emojis, all within the past three months. These were things that I adopted years ago because my friends used them. Why were they so delayed in using these things? What’s old to me is new to them.

The first question I asked was:

“Dad, why did you join Facebook?”

I knew this was something he was familiar with and might lead into a deeper conversation. But his answer stunned me.

“Don said I could get better weather updates on the campgrounds.”

Let me pause here to explain a little bit about my dad. He and my mom go camping almost every single weekend until the crazy Ohio weather doesn’t allow it. Their neighbor at the campgrounds is my dad’s best friend from grade school, Don.

Me: “…..what? Explain please.”

Dad: “Well, Don doesn’t have Facebook, but this other guy at the campgrounds told him that he could find out about campground-specific weather updates on Facebook. But after I joined, it was just the owners posting about flooded campsites or or if the electric was out.”

I could tell that this did not meet his expectations.

Me: “Okay, well, how do you use Facebook now?”

Dad: “I use it to sell dirt bike parts. I wish I’d never joined because there’s just too much drama. People say things that they would not and should not say in person.”

Teens also appear to post material that depict “mood/emotion” and “follow/like” topics, which are geared towards attracting more followers. Adults however, post under topics that included “arts/photos/design,” “locations,” “nature” and “social/people.” —Huffington Post

Me: “Mom, why don’t you have a Facebook?”

Mom: “I don’t feel comfortable having a profile, or any social presence at that because I work for the state and am a paralegal. There’s too much drama that could occur.”

40% of Gen-Y think that blogging about workplace issues is acceptable, compared to 28% of Baby Boomers.—Comptia.org

My dad didn’t understand why my mom wouldn’t join Facebook. He expressed that he knew of a few of my mom’s co-workers who had Facebook profiles and didn’t understand why she wouldn’t join. Maybe she was just old school? But in my eyes, this is a very smart decision. She set a limitation for herself, seeks other outlets to stay in touch with people, and expresses herself in ways other than her news feed. Remember, understanding how social media will fit within your whole life is important.

Is technology good or bad?

Now that I had them talking, I really wanted to understand more about how technology has been and will be affecting their lives.

Me: “Where do you think technology is heading, and what has changed since you brought my brother and I home our first computer?”

Dad: “I got a smartphone, and only because it was the cheapest option at the time. I didn’t care what type of phone I got. But now I use it a lot in place of my computer. To be honest, pagers were high tech in our day. This stuff is even harder.”

A-HA. Here we go… My parents adopted the idea of using a smartphone because it became the norm and was no longer the high-tech, expensive option.

Mom: “Your generation has grown up with these types of devices. They’re natural to you. For us, they’re so foreign. We just don’t know how to use them and it’s harder for us to learn. In addition, we just don’t even know about them in the first place.”

Hmmm… “foreign.” We did have computer classes in grade school… I guess we were raised to understand and adopt technology at an early age.

The average age that they (those born in 1980+) started using a computer is 3 and most sent their first e-mail before they entered kindergarten. —Larry D. Rosen, Ph.D.

Me: “Okay, so, is technology good or bad?”

Dad: “I think when we use technology to accomplish a task, it’s awesome, even if I don’t completely understand how it works. When it is used to consume our attention, that’s when the drama occurs.”

I agree with my dad here. The best digital products, and the ones that I’m adopting, are the ones that help me accomplish a task, whether that’s looking up how many tablespoons are in a cup when my hands are tied up baking, or helping me relax.

Mom: “When I come home from work, the last thing I want to do is interact with my phone or computer. I do that all day. I just want to veg out on the couch and stare at my TV, or the inside of my eyelids.”

We agreed that social media accounts like Facebook and Instagram can actually lead to the opposite of relaxation. Getting through your news feed becomes homework and actually sucks your energy out.

I know this from personal experience. In the past year I have really focused on training for marathons. During this time, I have gotten pretty involved in the Instagram fitness community. I never understood how in-depth and active this community was until the day I created a separate fitness account. For a while, I checked every push notification that was sent to me.

What workouts were people doing? What’s their story? Did I post my workout today? How many likes/followers do I have? Then I realized how much I was letting this consume me. It was as if I was living a Black Mirror episode and would explode if I didn’t hit my “likes” quota for the day.

I would feel the need to get through all the newest posts instead of watching a mindless show on Netflix or reading a book. It was no longer a form of relaxation.

Since then, I’ve turned off all my notifications, I post my WOD right after it’s complete to keep a training log for myself, not others, and I only scan through my news feed once after I eat dinner to gain motivation for my workout the next day.

These are my limitations.

My dad wants to get rid of his social media presence because he believes that his connections on Facebook don’t set enough limits on the things that they post. My mom has set a large limitation to not post her personal life on the Internet because it’s not worth risking her career.

Without these limitations, it becomes easy to let consumption-driven social media accounts, and other communication tools, consume our lives. No matter what types of digital products or social media platforms people adopt, whether you’re a baby boomer or a millennial, we must have a purpose for each and every account we join and device we own.

I’ve realized that millennials are less critical and far more open to adopting technologies. We have a basic understanding of common gestures and trends because technology has played a huge part in our lives from an early age.

Our parents are the opposite. They didn’t grow up with the types of digital experiences that we did and therefore require more time/focus to learn them. They also, often, question the security and worthiness of those technologies. This results in occasionally avoiding certain digital products altogether until they have no other choice but to use them or they become influenced to adopt them by their friends and family.

When Boomers get a new gadget their first step is to read the manual. The younger generations just start hooking up wires and pressing buttons. Manuals? They are for “old folks.” Larry D. Rosen, Ph.D.

The best reason for any age group to use technology, in my mind, is to accomplish necessary tasks. How can tech help my life be easier? How can I balance multiple things at once without being stressed? For example, I can use my Gear 2 to now pay for things at the register when my hands are tied up at the store or to read a text while my phone is tucked away at a concert.

The role of the designer

Designers must embrace this wave of new interactions and user experiences instead of shying away from them. Humans continue to create new devices, supply them with content generated by our very own community and train them to help solve the problems we face.

There will be some products for which we can introduce new and complex interactions more often, and there will be some for which we will need to introduce those kinds of interactions more slowly. We need to make experiences that are easy to understand but also introduce new, more complex patterns to prepare people for what is to come. It’s okay to take leaps, but we need to be mindful of our users’ technology learning curve.

Different generations differ in the way they use technology, the questions they ask and the choices they make. They even navigate the web in very different ways.”–Larry D. Rosen, Ph.D.

Designers need to constantly educate ourselves on how technology is embedded in our lives now and where it is heading. We need to think about what our lives will be like in three to five years and design our products to follow the patterns of techs we don’t even have yet.

How do we do that? That’s the challenge, and I’m ready to accept it.

There comes a point where our brains simply cannot consume any more information. Understanding the purpose of the digital devices in our lives and setting constraints on their use can help us achieve more balanced lifestyles. And as designers, we have to understand that these limits may be different for each person.

We all need to remember to let technology make our lives easier without letting it consume us entirely. Like using social media in our spare time, and not at the dinner table or when spending personal time with those we love. Being with friends and family face-to-face and using technology as a bridge when that cannot be possible.

That said, I’ve had to tell my parents to put away their phones at the dinner table multiple times already.