“Pandemic discount” email

Score... 🥁 ?/10

Who do you want to be?

A community bedrock, a recalibrator, an innovator?

How about an exploitative opportunist?

Yup, you’ve guessed it. It’s covid o’clock.

I’ve been sitting on this teardown for a few days now. I wasn’t sure whether to send it at all.

I wanted to, because coronavirus is not exactly a topic we can sweep under the carpet, so we’d better all learn how to talk about it.

Then I got spooked by the fear that by doing a teardown I was taking advantage of coronavirus, just like the email I’m here to butt heads with. (It’s turtles all the way down, people!)

Anyway, I decided to go for it because the message that plays out is such a core issue of principles and identity. The deep, juicy sh*t.

When it comes to our reactions to a global pandemic, the question “who do you want to be?” applies to businesses as well as individuals. Whether we make it consciously or not, we are making a choice with our every move.

The backstory:

The email came from a guy whose book I have bought and whose thinking has hugely influenced the work that I do. I’ve been on his email list for years and have looked into his workshops (they’ve always been in ’Murica before which ruled me out). As of this week, I see him in a different light.

He’s offering money off. And he’s framing covid-19 as a way to climb out of the crab bucket.

Does that make him a monster or a mastermind? I know what I think, but it’s a matter of opinion.

See what you think…

(Sender anonymised to “Xxxx” out of courtesy. Think you know who? Guess away.)

— — — — — Forwarded message — — — —

Subject line: “for the first time ever — stream our live workshop”

“Corissa, these are unprecedented times. Fallout from the Coronavirus may have you feeling uncertain, anxious and even a little fearful.”

Tell me something I don’t know.

“But I bet you also feel the urge to take action and protect the things you’ve worked hard to build.”

What’s that in the distance? Is it the grim siren of an ambulance-chaser marketing email?

“So we’re doing something unprecedented to help you get through this.”

Oh no. Oh no.

“For the first time ever, we’re offering a Livestream of our upcoming XXXX Workshop on XXXX.”

Here it comes…

“You can now watch the XXXX Workshop from your home or office. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. While others are hitting pause, you can hit play.”

I BEG YOUR PARDON. The avoidable death of thousands of people worldwide, and months of isolation and loneliness for vulnerable people, is a “once in a lifetime opportunity”…? Brb while I throw up in my hands.

“Not only do you get the full XXXX Workshop experience from your home or office — registration is only $995 instead of the usual cost of $2,995.”

Oh how noble. Don’t quote me on this, but I seem to recall previous emails from this company giving discounts for other reasons. This is not an act of altruism, it’s just plain old transaction utility (the joy of deal-hunting) used here as a persuasion tactic.

“We want to meet you where you are in the midst of this crisis and help your business keep moving forward.”

Moral distaste aside, I want to know why this man thinks he can possibly know what to do to help a business keep moving forward in an “unprecedented” (his word!) situation like this? Marketing is fine and all, but there’s literally a pandemic. Chaos is mounting. All bets are off. His business may have boomed over the past 5 years of favourable growth conditions in the world, but that’s no guarantee he has any idea what will work for the next 5 years.

“Watch this short video to find out more about the Workshop Livestream and how you can be a part of it (I also tell you about some free bonuses you’ll get when you register).”

Oh yay free bonuses. Another trash trick.

“If you’ve ever wanted to attend our Live Workshop and haven’t been able to make it happen, now’s your chance. Register now for the Livestream.”

Or in other words, now’s his chance to swim in sweet sweet casheroonies like Scrooge McDuck.

“Stay safe out there, and keep moving forward.”

Phoney baloney.

“P.S. It turns out sitting around and becoming more anxious does not help the situation. But making a plan for the future really will. We can’t wait to see you for the Livestream!”

Aha, closing with a mental health dig. Classy.

— — — — — End — — — —

Conclusion:

Email Teardown Club score = ?/10

The author of the above email is right, of course. Some people *will* profit from this crisis.

Some will do it by making life better for the masses. By developing vaccines, tackling anxiety and the like. A crisis creates new opportunities to solve problems and help humanity thrive.

Others will do it by capitalising on the emotional vulnerabilities of the masses. These are the people who buy up every last bottle of sanitiser from their local pharmacy and sell them for £10 a pop on eBay, or who seize coronavirus as an excuse to do a random sales push.

So yes. I have no doubt that this pandemic discount offer worked wonders. I bet his workshop was booked up within minutes.

But it rather put me off breathing the same virtual air as him.

If you’re thinking “alright then Saint Corissa, show us yer halo”, let me be clear… I am not proud of the way I personally have reacted to coronavirus. I’ve been frozen with unconstructive panic. I mean, I only yesterday remembered to call my sister to see how she’s doing. Nope, not proud at all.

I know this is a matter of taste. Entrepreneurs exploit situations. Many of them go on to become altruists and use their gains for good. Who the hell am I to judge?

I just struggle to feel inspired by the idea that thousands of deaths present “a once in a lifetime opportunity”.

What about you?

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*Side note* These teardowns are just my gut reactions as a real life customer, mashed together with my copywriter background, to explore what good and bad messaging looks like outside the sender’s ivory tower. I’m only one person, and I might not be representative. Agree or disagree? Tell me in the comments!

Cheerio,
Corissa

P.S. If you need a hand with your messaging strategy, I can help. I also have a few slots of 121 writing coaching up for grabs. Find out more 👉 corissanunn.com