How to Thoughtfully Engage With the Friend Who Hates the Book You Love
Your favorite author just released their latest book, and you read it from cover to cover in less than a week. You are so excited to share it with your fellow book lovers in person and online, but when you go to share a post on social media, you see that one of your closest friends is bashing the book you love! Gasp!
It may be hard to imagine in today’s social climate, but it is possible to have civil disagreements. Not only is it possible, it is vital to generate thoughtful content, to spark creativity, and to create new and innovative ideas. It is good to disagree, and it is even better to learn how to engage in conflict thoughtfully, intentionally, and with humility.
Here are a few tips on how to have intentional conversation with a friend who hates a book that you love:
1. Approach the conversation with genuine curiosity.
Find out what you don’t know. It’s easy to respond with hostility or outrage when a friend criticizes a book that is near and dear to your heart. However, it is important to not react with defensiveness but with intrigue and inquisitiveness. Instead, ask questions. Lean in. Get curious.
2. Listen more than you speak.
It’s OK that a friend does not have an affinity for a book that you love. Your job is to be a good listener and learner. As you approach the conversation with curiosity, make it a point to listen more than you speak. This might be a tough one since it can be innate to try to prove or forcibly convince the other person of your opinion. Try this: For every reason your friend gives for not liking a character or a scene in the book, ask what might have made it better.
3. Be willing to share and consider alternative views.
Disagreeing is not a bad thing. Disagreeing is, in fact, an opportunity to rethink information, address blind spots, and overcome weaknesses or biases. Presenting a challenge is never a bad thing; however, this process must be a two-way street. You should be willing to offer counter opinions as well as receive and consider them.
4. Separate your differing opinions from the value of this friendship.
Just as we must learn to separate our opinions from our identity, we must also learn to not define others by their opinions (especially when those opinions are different from ours.) Keep your conflict away from relational conflict. Instead, focus on your differing opinions on the topic at hand.
This means no personal or character attacks. Criticize the book, the content, or the author’s decisions, but do not criticize the person on the other side of the debate. These types of jabs are what some may call cheap and below the belt, which is definitely not something we encourage in the Copper community.
5. Find common ground.
One powerful tool in navigating conflict of any kind is finding common ground. Instead of attacking your friend’s logic or the reasoning behind his or her differing opinion, validate it. Accept his or her opinion as credible. Connect the dots and find a point where you can relate. This helps take your friend off the defensive and creates a space for them to feel heard and seen.
Have you ever disagreed with a friend about a book or author? How did you approach the conversation? Share them with us @meetcopper so we can share them with our Copper Community.
Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash
