When Not Engaging is Not an Option
I’ve been struggling to understand why I seem to want to rush headfirst into resolving conflicts. Upon deep reflection, here is what I found: I chose to heal from my depression, and unlike many others who do not want to face past wounds, I wanted to dig deep until I found the roots of all conflicts within me. I then chose to become a mental health coach and invite others to face their internal conflicts. In hindsight, I realize that I have always been a fan of resolution and harsh truths, no matter how painful they may be. Living in the bliss of ignorance is not for me. These insights aren't inherently positive or negative; they simply form a deeper understanding of my identity and motivations. Anchoring myself in my truth and laying bare my reasons for being who I am and doing what I do gave me the opportunity to also ask myself, “How is this version serving you?” After a decade-long quest for the answer to this question, I can now safely say, “Very well, thank you!”
Without digressing further, I want to add that this current version of me is not okay with not engaging with the darkness. I have been there, been consumed and controlled by it, and been on the verge of suicide because I could not find a way out of it. Having found a way out, I’m aware of its power to control, manipulate, and destroy, and I, therefore, feel compelled to engage with it when it appears in my external or internal environment rather than be enslaved by it again. I cannot sit by and do nothing when there are so many global crises that need us to amplify our voices and choices to support peace and unity. This very thought has become the fuel that powers the passion project with Maria Marc — The Empathy Project.
Maria and I, through our conversations, have found a friend, research partner, and accountability buddy in each other, but more importantly, we both share the same passion and energy to bring this project to life. As we navigate through the corridors of what a project like this can be, we find ourselves being the researcher and the subject. In this dual role, we are able to observe and experience, be objective and subjective, and bring in the masculine and feminine energies simultaneously. Our quest for knowledge continues to push us to ask difficult questions, and in finding those answers, we find ourselves evolving along with our project.
In our last discussion, we felt an embodied sense of empathy toward all human beings, including the ones who sit high on the negative spectrum of personalities: narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths. Sociopaths, psychopaths, and narcissists share certain characteristics but differ significantly in other aspects. Psychopaths are often the most violent and perilous due to their absence of empathy, conscience, and regard for authority. Sociopaths display similar traits but are more prone to employ manipulation and deceit rather than resorting to violence. Narcissists, while they can also act selfishly and cruelly, are generally less inclined to participate in unlawful or violent activities (Shafir, 2023). We agreed that we cannot leave out the ones who need the light more than the rest of us; to ignore them is to accept that they cannot be healed.
While the dream to shine a light in the darkest of spaces is daunting, it is also fulfilling and has given our work a purpose that we believe is strong enough to tide us through the rough patches. Our journey together is not just about research; it’s about transformation, both within ourselves and within the world around us. Through The Empathy Project, we aim to explore how we can activate empathy within communities to move from intention to action towards positive social change. It is our sincere hope that through this work, we are able to inspire others to join us on this journey of discovery and growth.
Shafir, H. (2023). Sociopath Vs. Psychopath Vs. Narcissist: What Is the Difference? Choosing Therapy. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/sociopath-vs-psychopath-vs-narcissist/
