American Horror Story 5.07

It’s American Horror Story episode Lucky Number 7 and boy were people getting lucky with all the orgies going on tonight. All right, let’s break it down by story:

Lady Gaga & Mr. March

We start things off with Will Drake revealing to his son that he and Lady Gaga will be getting married before a member of his remodeling crew comes in and tells Will that they a steel enclosure behind one of the walls. He tells them to knock it down and they do discovering a large room behind it. The room turns out to have two very decayed looking vampires inside it who eat two of the remodeling crew before fleeing to the room of Marcy, the awful Realtor, and they devour her. Iris and Lady Gaga discover the hole and Lady Gaga appears terrified.

We then flashback to 1925 where Lady Gaga was an extra in a movie. She is invited by the star of the film Valentino to his house where they talk for a bit and the two become enamored by each other before Nashasha, the actor’s wife shows up and the trio have a threesome. A little while later while attending a party at the Hotel Cortez Lady Gaga, now deeply in love with Natasha and Valentino, hears the news that Valentino has died and she goes to kill herself but is stopped by Mr. March.

Lady Gaga and Mr. March soon marry and have a loveless marriage though Lady Gaga is drawn in by March’s darkness. She also makes a habit of bringing a single red rose to Valentino’s grave. During one visit she is greeted by Natasha and a still living Valentino. Valentino reveals that he was stalked while he was on tour promoting a movie. The stalker turned out to be a movie director named F.W. Murnau (A real person I might add) who had visited Transylvania (I guess) to research for his movie Nosferatu and had a vampire orgy in the woods. He wants to turn Valentino into a vampire so that his beauty would be preserved forever and Valentino had said yes and faked his death. He then offers to turn Lady Gaga so that the three of them could be together forever. Lady Gaga says yes and they make plans to leave for New York. Unbeknownst to the trio, Mr. March had observed the whole thing.

Back in the present Valentino and Natasha finish feeding on Marcy and argue over their current predicament. Natasha blames Valentino for getting them involved with Lady Gaga but Valentino defends her but agrees with her after she points out all that was lost. A trio of Aussie strippers check into the room across from them and they decide to feed on them as well.

Lady Gaga and Mr. March have their monthly dinner where Lady Gaga reveals her plans to marry Will Drake and Mr. March asks when she plans to kill him. Lady Gaga suggests that she might be truly in love with Will but Mr. March blows off the suggestion, saying that she had already found her one true love. He then reveals that he had had Valentino and Natasha kidnapped and trapped in the steel enclosure in the Hotel. Lady Gaga is horrified and outraged at this as March revels in all this. Valentino and Natasha end their portion of the episode by strolling out of the Hotel gothed to the nines.

This origin story was very nice. It’s always good to see 1920’s Evan Peters and it’ll be interesting to see where the Valentino & Natasha storyline will go.

Detective Fucked-Up-Sherlock

We join the shitty detective as he checks himself into a psychiatric hospital to apparently get treatment, however it turns out that the alleged Ten-Commandments Killer is the being held there and Detective John is trying to get in to see him. He sneaks into the ward where the Killer is being held after knocking out a guard and discovers that the Killer is a teenage girl named Ren (One of Lady Gaga’s vampire children in fact). Ren reveals that she helped the killer do his murders and that she’s tried of being a vampire (Though John doesn’t understand this part). She reveals that she had been turned back in 1986 when her pedophile father had gone drinking at the Hotel Cortez. John convinces Ren to take him to the killer if he breaks her out. They break out of the hospital and Ren tells John that the Killer is at the Hotel Cortez before she kills herself by running into traffic to end the episode.

Not a whole lot from Detective John this week but at least his story is moving forward down a path that isn’t madness.

Analysis

This was a surprisingly good episode. The origin story was very interesting and vampire couple where a fine couple of characters. Lady Gaga is still not a good actress but it helps that she had far better actors working with her. The Ten Commandments storyline seems to more and more be heading to the obvious conclusion of Detective Fucked-Up-Sherlock being the killer but I really hope he isn’t. It’s become to really obvious now and really after everything that’s happened I’d like to see him get a happy ending (Though I really don’t have any other suspects besides him). We’ve got six episodes left to go so let’s hope that this show can keep it’s momentum going for just a bit longer.

Miscellaneous

• I am very disappointed that 1920’s Evan Peters orgasm face from the previews never showed up in the episode itself. Enjoy the still up top everyone.
• So I guess that Vampire children apocalypse is being put on hold for a later date then.
• This was a very character sparse episode. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
• I guess I was right on both counts about the other vampire children, seeing as Ren proved to be both her own character and a red shirt at the same time.
• So I guess Iris failed to kill the kids then since Ren was still alive for this episode.
• Apparently that dark gritty Moby Dick is based on a true story…Yeah. (Thank you Kate!)
• This weeks musical recommendation is “Smaller God” by Darling Violetta because this episode made me think of Vampire: The Masquerade-Bloodlines nonstop. Also all that talk of gods and stuff, enjoy!!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YX_kez_xwJs

Originally published at deathmaster780.kinja.com.