American Horror Story 5.09

It’s episode 999 Mark of the Beastie. What’s the Beastie you ask? It’s an annoying imp creature that thinks it’s a lot better at storytelling and social commentary than it is. (No it’s not Ryan Murphy, why would you think that?) So let’s get into it and break it down by story:

Lady Gaga and Will Drake

The episode starts off with Lady Gaga investigating the metal enclosure where Rupert Valentino and Natacha were kept prisoner. We then cut to her and Will Drake talking about their wedding plans. Will wants a big wedding and Lady Gaga wants a small one and Will agrees with her. Lady Gaga trys to get Liz Taylor to help her with the wedding but Liz tells her off for killing Tristan. We then see Lady Gaga and Dr. Alex watching a broadcast about the vampire children as Lady Gaga gets a phone call Valentino. She then tracks him down to his hotel room and they passionately kiss. We then cut to Lady Gaga and Donovan having sex in her suite. She tells him that she takes him back and promises to be his one and only. She also tells him that she’s getting married to Will tomorrow but that she’s going to kill him the next day.

In the suite Will and his son get ready for the wedding. Miss Evers comes in and tells Will that Lady Gaga will him. She tells him that Mr. March was going to marry her before Lady Gaga showed up. Will tells her to leave and she does.

Lady Gaga is meeting with a renovator to turn the metal enclosure into a secure wing for Will’s collection. Mr. March shows up and Lady Gaga tells him off but he begs for her to stay with with him. She tells him that the renovations need to be done soon and leaves.

Lady Gaga visits Valentino in his hotel where they make plans for the future and plan to kill Natacha. Natacha then shows up and Lady Gaga invites her to the Hotel Cortez that night.

We then cut to Lady Gaga and Will’s wedding. They’re successfully married and Lady Gaga goes to get changed for their honeymoon. Will goes to the bar and runs into Mr. March, they have a drink and Mr. March takes Will to see Bartholomew. He is repulsed and Lady Gaga who was watching him angrily knocks him out. Will wakes up next to Ramona’s cage and he lets her out. They discover that they are in the metal enclosure. Ramona kills Will while Lady Gaga watches on video camera to end the episode.

Iris, Donovan, and Ramona

A porno group comes into the Hotel and Iris kills them in their hotel room. Donovan then come in and admires her work before she tells him that Lady Gaga had questioned her about Bartholomew’s injuries and she had told her that Ramona was behind it. Donovan tells her not to worry because he and the Countess are together again.

Donovan shows up at Ramona’s house with a blood offering to make plans to take Lady Gaga out. He tells her that he drugged her and tells Ramona he can’t kill her because he still loves her. Donovan then asks Ramona why she waited 20 years to try and kill Lady Gaga. Ramona reveals that she stayed with her parents for a few months. Her mother passed away during this time and her father lost his mind to Alzheimer’s. Then one night some burglars broke in and beat him. Ramona tried to save him by feeding him her blood but it didn’t work and only stopped the progression of the disease. She took care of him for a few months and then one night the burglars came back and he killed them. Ramona then mercy killed him. Ramona then realized that twenty years had gone by and she realized all that she had lost. This memory of what she had lost is what is driving her desire for revenge on the countess.

Back at the Hotel Ramona and Donovan go to kill Lady Gaga but Donovan betrays her and locks her up in a cage. Iris tells him he’s making a mistake but he refuses to listen. This ends Iris and Donovan’s portion of the episode. (See above for Ramona’s final bit)

Dr. Awful

We cut to Dr. Alex outside a house a delivery car in front of it. She goes in and discovers that the vampire kids are inside and eating the occupants. There is some trouble in the ranks of the children and they argue over what they should do next. Dr. Alex tells them to go to the Hotel Cortez but they refuse and they leave. This ends Dr. Alex’s portion of the episode, Hey we’re making some progress after all!!

Analysis

This was an interesting episode. They finally followed up on the vampire children which was great and Ramona’s additional backstory was great, she has been very underutilized this season. Wills death is no big loss, he’s had practically no character development all season and he died in the hotel so he’ll be back for sure. Next week should be interesting as Lady Gaga get’s revenge on everyone she didn’t take out in this episode.

Miscellaneous

• The image up top is from the band that did the song from the first episode of this season and that shares the name of this episode. No I don’t know if the band is any good I’ve only ever heard that one song.
• No Detective Fucked-Up-Sherlock this week, he deserved a break after the events of last week.
• Of course Lady Gaga has sex with a pair of heels and some star pasties on.
• Donovan’s back to hating his mother again apparently. *sigh*
• Good News: Scream Queens is over!!!
• Bad News: That OJ Simpson show by Ryan Murphy will be on soon.
• Tonight’s song recommendation is “Kill or be Killed” by New Years Day because that was basically Lady Gaga’s motto all episode long.

Originally published at observationdeck.kinja.com.