The Invisible Cost of Being Too Kind to Other People
Are you being too kind? Here is what to do about it.
How does it feels when people said to you that “You’re one of the kindest persons that I have ever met in my entire life”?
It feels good, isn’t it? — To receive those compliments that make your existence meaningful in this world.
When all the things that make you happy in this world come from helping others. You might be started to think that you’re a Saint.
Well, maybe you’re indeed a Saint, or maybe you’re just being harmful to yourself.
Just like any other thing in this world, there are hidden costs to everything that we do — Good and bad costs. And kindness isn’t an exception.
Don’t get me wrong, without kindness in this world, the world is just one cruel planet. But is there a limit to that? If so, how much is ‘too kind’?
How many times have you had to change your daily schedule just to listen to your friend’s problems?
Attending an event while all you wanted to do is to stay home and watch Netflix?
Agreeing with all the arguments that don’t even make sense?
Letting people cut your line when you’re about to pay for your groceries?
Can you see what I’m talking about here? Or do you still being ignorant and need more examples?
How naive we are, to think that other people would do the same thing if we were ever in their shoes.
And when people reject your offer, when they’re saying No. A big disappointment lingers in your head. Now I ask you, whose fault is that?
It’s either theirs or yours. But, remember rule number one, you can’t control how other people will behave.
So it’s clearly a mistake coming from your end, for being way too kind.
Unless you’re a Mother, forget about unconditional kindness.
One of the most destructive things of being too kind is reciprocity.
At some point in your life, you will expect them to do the same kindness that you did — But once again, you can’t control that to happen.
It is written in our DNA that people would prefer doing something that benefits themselves.
Therapists make $30 an hour by listening to people’s problems, and you’re doing it for free.
And when it comes to you, all of sudden your friends are too busy to listen to your stories?
Whose fault is that?
“But Kenny, you’re one big hypocrite, I’m sure you also listen to other people’s problems”.
Yes, you’re right, but only when I feel like doing it. And when they say “Thank you for listening” I don’t reply to them with “You’re welcome”, I always say “I’m sure you would do the same to me”.
Because I expect reciprocity, and that’s normal as a human being.
Focus on things that benefit you the most — But don’t be blind about it.
Sometimes all you need is a nice smacking on the head to remind you that you always have a choice to say No.
Next time someone invites you to a party, ask yourself these questions:
- Do you have something that you need to do right away?
- Do you really want to attend it?
- Once again, do you really want to attend it?
Here is the rule, it’s either hell yeah or nope. Unless you really want it, don’t even think about it.
“But I’m just being impolite to reject their offers”
As I said above, a good smacking on the head.
Focusing on yourself is the key here, but being completely ignorant is another thing.
Remember that the key is not to help other people at all, but it’s to be more focused on your own matters than on others.
“Kenny, I don’t have many problems in my life”
Are you sitting in front of Lake Como and enjoying your life right now? If not, please find the invisible problems and fix them.
There will always be something that you can fix in your life.
Channel most of your energy on your own problems.
In the end, you need a monster in yourself, and you need to control that monster.
Because the world is not a heaven as you thought, but also not a hell.
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