A Love Poem To The Drunk Men Who ‘Love MILFs’

By Teresa Spencer

Welcome to our new series “Love Poems to Cat Callers!” Every week we’ll bring you a new poem by Teresa Spencer, read by a different woman celebrating the joy that is being sexually degraded on the street. This week, Ijeoma Oluo reads her tender homage.

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To the Childcare Specialists

A prose poem to the group of drunk guys who catcalled me as I walked by with a sleeping infant strapped to my chest. You guys are into MILFs? That’s so edgy of you! But wait, would it change things if I told you this baby isn’t actually mine? I’m just helping out a friend while she works tonight.

How do you feel about babysitters? BILFs, if you will. Is that a thing? Hey, maybe me, this sleeping angelic form in my arms, and the four of you could all start a babysitters club together! We’ll post flyers, have meetings in my mom’s basement, and be the subjects of a series of young adult novels with fuchsia and teal covers!

Oh, is that not what you had in mind? No, it’s cool, I get it. You’re realists about childcare. It’s diaper duty and boiling silicone nipples that really turns you on, isn’t it? Wow, I really lucked out tonight. Let’s all go back to my place and fold nappies while we discuss how society’s pigeonholing of women into either sainted mothers or insatiable vamps is so 1994. Obvi, the modern girl can totes be both at the same time!

Oh, yeah, def bring your cooler of Pabst.

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Lead image: flickr/Elvis Kennedy

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