America! Show Us Your Underalls!

Yes, that’s right, you’re on the cusp of discovery, you’re peering over the rim of wonder and into the chasm of curiosity.

Welcome to this week’s vintage video. My dear comrade and cofounder Nikki sent this link my way a few weeks ago and I foolishly “starred” it in my inbox before continuing my no doubt loathsome wanderings through the Internet and never watched it until just a moment ago. How did I have the mental faculties, the psychological stamina to keep searching the red-hot pavement of the information highway without knowing about Underalls?!

Perhaps my negative willpower coupled with my survival instinct is a stronger elixir than I ever dreamed.

What are Underalls you ask? They’re underpants built into your muthafucking pantyhose. And maybe you didn’t see my former rant on the rank miserable reality that is donning pantyhose, but I feel very strongly that it’s a particularly awful sensation that no creature on earth should have to suffer through.

But if a lady has got to rock a booty-tight dress, pantsuit, or yes — one’s snug marching band whites — and you need those pantyhose and you also need to forgo panty lines . . . Underalls are the way. The golden road to Oz if you will.

In short? I don’t know why I don’t own a pair.

Plus, how fun is it to yell “Underalls!” and have a close-up of your jiggling, line-less rump come into frame? Pretty fun, as fun things go.

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