“Beautiful Barbie, I’ll Make Believe I Am You”
Greetings and salutations on this fine Saturday, fellow Establishers! So glad you swung by for your weekly dose of Sexist Saturday, our harrowingly and captivatingly misogynistic vintage video series!
Come gather ‘round the hearth, where it’s warm and safe and blond and plastic. Sidle up next to Barbie, weary-sweet travelers, and wish all your worries away.
Feeling fat? Unpopular? Pretend you’re Barbie! Feeling lost, unloved, and generally useless? Pretend you’re Barbie! Feeling unsure as to what we’re here for, and like this so-called reality is little more than a glorified purgatory? Pretend you’re Barbie!
Life is hard. Cruel, even. And if you find yourself consumed by the crushing void that is your existence — yet can’t afford valium, cosmetic surgery, or trepanation — get your hands on a Barbie!
Wrap your fingers around her narrow waist, stroke her flaxen ponytail, and feel your self-loathing melt away. Suddenly you’re the belle of the ball, the lithe nymph by the shoreline, the subject of ardent affection and passionate caresses. Your breasts perfect, your skin flawless, your feet ever-pointed.
There you go . . . shhhh . . . you’re safe and loved now.
Lead Image: Wikimedia Commons