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Demanding Black Forgiveness Is Just Another Way To Control Us

TaLynn Kel
The Establishment
Published in
7 min readAug 10, 2016
flickr/timlewisnm

Forgiveness is complacency. I cannot be outraged by you and forgiving of you at the same time.

When I was six, my favorite uncle came by to visit. I loved spending time with him; he was always playful and fun. On this day for some reason I didn’t want to hang out with him. When he called me to him, I refused. A few minutes later he offered me a dollar, and being six with no allowance, I went. That was when he pocketed the dollar, grabbed my wrist, and spanked me in front of my entire family while laughing at my humiliation. Afterward, he demanded I apologize for making him spank me. I refused, ran off, and never spoke to him again.

I was fortunate that my parents didn’t undermine my will by insisting I forgive someone who’d overstepped my boundaries. I wasn’t forced to be polite or acknowledge him ever again and I didn’t. I mourned his death when he passed, but 35 years later, I still haven’t forgiven him.

I’ve always been perplexed by the obligation to forgive. For my family, forgiveness was part of Christian belief, but I’ve never been able to accept church teachings without asking questions. When I think of forgiving my uncle, I’m confused; while a part of me feels like I missed out on our relationship, the rest of me thinks…

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The Establishment
The Establishment

Published in The Establishment

The archives of culture + politics site, The Establishment. Media funded and founded by women — Nikki Gloudeman, Kelley Calkins and Katie Tandy with Ijeoma Oluo, Ruchika Tulshyan and Jessica Sutherland. The conversation is much more interesting when everyone has a voice.

TaLynn Kel
TaLynn Kel

Written by TaLynn Kel

Fat, Black, Femme Geek. I’m a writer & cosplayer. My blog is www.talynnkel.com. My books: Breaking Normal& Still Breaking Normal http://amzn.to/2FW5kl3