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Demanding Black Forgiveness Is Just Another Way To Control Us
Forgiveness is complacency. I cannot be outraged by you and forgiving of you at the same time.
When I was six, my favorite uncle came by to visit. I loved spending time with him; he was always playful and fun. On this day for some reason I didn’t want to hang out with him. When he called me to him, I refused. A few minutes later he offered me a dollar, and being six with no allowance, I went. That was when he pocketed the dollar, grabbed my wrist, and spanked me in front of my entire family while laughing at my humiliation. Afterward, he demanded I apologize for making him spank me. I refused, ran off, and never spoke to him again.
I was fortunate that my parents didn’t undermine my will by insisting I forgive someone who’d overstepped my boundaries. I wasn’t forced to be polite or acknowledge him ever again and I didn’t. I mourned his death when he passed, but 35 years later, I still haven’t forgiven him.
I’ve always been perplexed by the obligation to forgive. For my family, forgiveness was part of Christian belief, but I’ve never been able to accept church teachings without asking questions. When I think of forgiving my uncle, I’m confused; while a part of me feels like I missed out on our relationship, the rest of me thinks…