Dirty Talk For Grammar Nerds
Appendix 1: GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Assonance: Feeling of exaltation when she tells you she loves it that way.
Direct Speech: “I want to have sex with you.”
Indirect Speech: “Would you like to come up for a drink?”
Object of Preposition: What a woman should never be reduced to.
Passive Voice: Used by those who want to be tied up and spanked.
Subordinate Clause: Signed by those who prefer to use Passive Voice.
First Person: Masturbation.
Second Person: Sex.
Third Person: Sometimes helpful for spicing things up.
Participle: Alternate name for Third Person.
Past Participle: That guy from Craigslist; was just okay.
Perfect Participle: That guy from the gym; would ask again.
Nonrestrictive Modifiers: Polyamorous parameters.
Unvoiced Sounds: “What should I watch on Netflix next?”
Voiced Sounds “Yes, yes, yes, YES!”
Appendix 2: SAMPLE DIALOGUE
“You sure you’re in the Imperative Mood tonight, baby?”
“Appositive. Now take out that Dangling Modifier and Compound me hard.”
“Did you…just use Comparatives? In bed?!”
“Don’t be upset, it’s all Subjective.”
“Expletive, Expletive, Expletive!”
“Take off that Article of clothing. You know I love you in the Bare Infinitive.”
Appendix 3: SYMBOL GUIDE
<< Side boob
>() Heteronormative sex
>> Gay sex, for example
()() Lesbian sex, for example
()>() / >()> / >>> / ()()() Three threesome options, of many
@>() Skype sex
#>() Phone sex
©>() Marital sex
Ó One orgasm
Ô Two orgasms
Ø Not happening