Elf On The Shelf Can’t Justify Electoral College

By Riane Konc

Since launching as a children’s book in 2004, The Elf on The Shelf has become a bonafide movement, inspiring cutesy memes and photos.

Since launching in 1877, the electoral college has thwarted the will of the people multiple times.

These adorable Elf on the Shelf ideas are perfect for the holidays! But they will not justify the Electoral College that got us Trump in the White House.

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Look at this naughty lil’ guy! While the kids were sleeping, he drew faces on all of the bananas! This will make your kids say, “Haha!” and “Silly bananas!” and “This still doesn’t explain why an outdated vestige of the slave era continues to give disproportionate power to small, rural states!”

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What a cute, sleepy elf! This is an easy, fun idea for Elf on the Shelf that will never provide a sufficient defense of a system that has granted the loser of the popular vote the presidency five times.

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What do you think? Does this cross the line from funny to gross? No matter what you think, in the spirit of the holidays, it’s important to remember that because of the Electoral College, no Democrat’s vote has counted in Alaska, Wyoming, or Idaho since 1964 (and no Republican’s vote has counted in New York since 1984, or California or Illinois since 1988!)

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Wow, what a fun trick! Another good trick is when you tell your children “Your vote counts” when it demonstrably and historically does not.

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Oh goodness, look what a mess this Elf made! It’s a fun way to remind your kids of how silly string is constitutional literalism, and the oven is literally everything in America.

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Messy little elf, you’re going to have some explaining to do! What you won’t be able to explain is why, in the name of fairness and equality, the Electoral College gives three times the voting power to the citizens of the three least populous states.

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I wonder how many reps this lil’ gym rat can do? While you’re wondering, please explain to my kids why a man nearing a 3 million vote loss will be President.

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Whew! This elf is chilled out! What do you think he’s reading? Maybe Alexander Hamilton’s Federalist Papers, where he justifies the formation of an “intermediate body of electors” by explaining that they would act as a failsafe, just in case the general populace, in their “heats and ferments,” tried to elect some kind of no-nothing maniac? It’s almost as if the Electoral College was literally designed to prevent Donald Trump from becoming President! But . . . no? Nothing?

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Yeah, that looks right.

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