Friendship In The Age Of Unfriending

By Anne Thériault

It almost always happens out of the blue.

I’ll go to a friend’s profile to share something or send them a message or look for an article they posted once, and right away I’ll notice that something about their page looks off. Then, as I frantically scan the unusually limited information available there, I’ll feel that familiar lurch in my stomach as I realize what’s wrong: They’ve unfriended me (or unfollowed me, or blocked me).

The shock of the realization is usually followed by a sense of denial: It must have been a mistake; they must have hit the unfriend button by accident; a quick message will set this all right. But before I can even think of what I’m going to say, I’m struck by the thought that it might not have been a mistake after all. And then I go down the dark and endless rabbit hole of everything I’ve ever done or said or posted that might have somehow made my friend hate me.

I have a fairly large social media presence, so I’ve had my fair share of unfollowings and unfriendings. I wish I could tell you that the sting of unfriending lessens the more I experience it — but it doesn’t. Each time is just as sharp and shame-inducing as the last.

We often talk about how social media has changed the way we make friends, but we rarely discuss how it has…