Gifts To Give Your Trump-Supporting Family!

The Establishment
Dec 23, 2016 · 2 min read

By Allison Sanchez

flickr/Danny

With our country so divided by politics (and so very angry!), it’s hard to know what to get your Trump-loving relatives for the holidays. But have no fear! This guide will arm you with bucket loads of holiday . . . sorry, CHRISTMAS cheer.

For your “trapped in a conservative marriage” sister, Susan:

Do it yourself: A pile of your most wrinkled shirts to iron!
Fun: Underwear with an easy-to-grab handle
Practical: Black market birth control and/or diapers

For your brother, Marty:

Do it yourself: A Russian dictionary
Fun: A ticket to the Trump sons’ ‘Camouflage and Cufflinks’ inauguration fundraiser
Practical: A sweatshirt with a wolf on it

For Dad:

Do it yourself: A Twitter handle and a bottle of Jameson
Fun: A trip to a daddy-daughter chastity ball
Practical: Ben Carson’s Guide to Climate Change (signed by the Chinese inventor!)

For Mom:

Do it yourself: Children to raise
Fun: A trip to a furniture store
Practical: A coupon for breast augmentation

For your religious grandparents:

Do it yourself: A bible with the “love each other” parts cut out with craft scissors
Fun: A picture of white Jesus
Practical: Confederate flag needlework sampler

For your business-inclined Uncle Ted:

Do it yourself: A bucket of hand-drilled Alaskan oil
Fun: A certificate from an uncredited university
Practical: A cabinet position

For your young nieces and nephews:

Do it yourself: A Mike Pence home conversion kit
Fun: A “build your own wall” Lego set and a Dora the Explorer doll to pay for it
Practical: An NRA membership

For your white supremacist cousins:

Do it yourself: A white sheet set
Fun: A dapper fashion spread in a major magazine
Practical: A subscription to Breitbart

***

Follow this gift-giving guide and you will rock your three crushingly awkward and painful days at home. Merry Christmas and Pence on Earth.

***

Lead image: flickr/Danny

The conversation is much more interesting when everyone has a voice. Media funded and run by women; new content daily.

The Establishment

Written by

The Establishment
Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade