How Do You Become Popular?

Bonjour dear Establishers, welcome to another edition of Sexist Saturday hot off the presses!

Here on The Establishment, we’d like to remind you that everyone — and I mean everyone — will shun and spurn your friendship if you park with boys in cars. Boys, girls, the squirrels on the lawn outside. Everyone and everything will know you’re a worthless slut who enjoys exploring her fledgling sexuality on the warm leather seats of a 1947 Thunderbird with a boy she knows and trusts.

“Popularity! What is it made of?! What makes people like one person and not another?” Is it their personality? Their sense of humor? Generosity? No, no, no, you daft hussy.

Now. If you have any self respect or interest in fostering relationships beyond blind hands groping for moisture in the darkness, we suggest you “look clean and nice” and DON’T EVER ACCEPT A DATE FOR THE SAME DAY SOMEONE ASKS. Be demure, coy, euphemistic, and self-doubting.

As for you men-folk, there are some incredibly insightful dating gems for you as well. Always indicate your “price range,” make plans a week out (don’t make her think she’s a last resort!) — and put it in your goddamn calendar. What are you, a monster?

Don’t say we never did anything for you. (And get more vintage video knowledge drops right here.)

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