How To Get Your Sexy Summer Body Back

Lead image: flickr/Classic Film // Illustrations by Katie Tandy

1. Ask it why it left.

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2. Inquire where it went.

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3. Find out if you offended it.

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4. Say that you are sorry.

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5. Offer to do things differently in the future.

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6. See if it has signed a lease for an apartment.

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7. Tell it that you miss it.

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8. Call and text it a lot, especially late at night.

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9. Say that you have been drinking a lot since it left.

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10. Buy it something.

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11. Explain that it is literally impossible to exist without it.

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