How To Look Like Professor Willow From Pokemon Go!

Welcome to Make Your Face, a makeup tutorial series with a simple mission: makeup by you (me) for your (my) own entertainment, Establishment-style.

I started playing Pokémon Go only this week, only reluctantly, all like, “Goddammit I guess I should get with the friggin’ cultural zeitgeist, ugh; woe is me and my data plan.” I haven’t played a new game in a while, in fact, and I haven’t had a really good video game crush since 2014.

So I downloaded Pokémon Go, opened the app . . . and my whole body went hot all over. My fingers took a screenshot before my brain could form a coherent thought. Hell-OOO, Professor Willow!

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Yes sir, I will catch Pokémon for you! I will catch ALL those pesky Pokémonsters for you — which is your favorite? Do you have office hours, Professor Willow? Can I sign up for a private training session? Do you like my hat? Do you have a personal team preference, and if not, do you find the color red, yellow, or blue most flattering on me? Just tell me what you want and I will DO it, Professor Willow! I’ve already caught three Rattatas, two Pidgeys and a Geodude on top of my initial Bulbasaur in a manic effort to impress you; I started playing this game ten minutes ago. 

Whoever illustrated this beautiful fictional man deserves a medal. He’s not only gotten shoutouts on Polygon and inspired a whole trove of inappropriate hashtags on Tumblr — there’s a whole piece titled “Who is and why is he such a daddy?” on The Verge.

My previous Pokémon experience is limited to 1999’s Pokémon Snap, and while I always love hearing that my photographic work “is impeccable!” — Professor Oak just didn’t motivate me to literally run out into the street quite like Willow does, you know? If I cannot catch Professor Willow, I will instead become him. Let’s GO!

First, some time with the flatiron. Flip the ends of your hair up.

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Now we need to obtain some foxy grey follicles. Never use baby powder to do this! Don’t ask me how I know. My next thought was, “Oh, I’ll just use damp chalk pastel to color my hair! This medium has worked really well to apply thin streaks of bright color in the past!” Then I colored one lock of hair grey and subsequently realized that chalking a whole head of hair would take about three hours and not even look that great once finished.

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I ended up painting my hair with white Mehron clown makeup instead. It was fast! And BONUS: it let me skip styling because the paint-hair just sort of stood up on its own!

It felt . . . less pleasant, later, when I went to take a shower and discovered that my hair had been replaced with soggy modeling clay.

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Nonetheless, the silvery locks are clearly a key part of Professor Willow’s appeal. See? I look hotter already!

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Put on a respectable coat of foundation; this guy CLEARLY has flawless skin.

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Along with heavy black brows. Here’s your chance to scribble!

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Prof. W. goes pretty light on the face paint in the field, but you know he’d look smokin’ with a little of his preferred neon yellow accent color transferred onto his eyes.

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Masculine-presenting people always look so sexy with a half-assed amount of shittily applied makeup on. Unfair! Know what else is sort of, um, ludicrously sexy? This drawing of Diglett.

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Forego mascara on the eyelashes; I doubt Prof. Willow bothers. Use it to better emulate his dark sideburns, instead.

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Add some subtle contour, ’cause you know Willow’s got the cheekbones of a Rock-type Pokémon.

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Add W.’s aquamarine accent with some eyeshadow layered over cheap lipstick. If you can stand the texture of matte lipstick, this is not a bad way to expand your range of lip colors! It does feel rather chalky, granted, but nobody ever said it was easy to be as fine as Professor Willow.

The stubble is essential.

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And now I’m ready to hit the park! Not to catch Pokémon (CELL DATA, man!!), but I bet I can lure out a few rare Pokémon Go players in this get-up.

Have fun, kids, and remember to handle those Pokéballs carefully!

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