How To Look Like The Fourth Of July

Welcome to Make Your Face, a makeup tutorial series with a simple mission: makeup by you (me) for your (my) own entertainment, Establishment-style.

When I was a kid, the 4th of July meant matching family t-shirts from Old Navy and an annual neighborhood block party with really good cookies. As a teen, it developed into a semi-competitive endeavor to behave idiotically with explosives. For most of my 20s, the holiday was a perfect excuse to float on a lake drinking cheap beer and enjoy other people’s ill-advised but festive amateur fireworks displays from afar.

Then I adopted this dog.

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Her likes include: hugs, snow, tennis balls, chasing a laser pointer beam, riding in the front seat, and athletic men in fitted shirts. Her dislikes are: baths, the vacuum cleaner, other dogs who invade her personal space without invitation, and fireworks.

I spend a long time on my eyebrows for special evenings in with my dog.

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In recognition of the nationally-mandated color scheme, I sealed my brows with blue mascara instead of the usual clear product.

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Blue eyeliner makes my blue-on-my-driver’s-license eyes look really green.

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I am glad to live in a country where shimmery eyeshadow is cheap and plentiful.

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God bless.

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This eyeliner is not as vivid as its name would have you hope, and it cracks easily when you apply multiple layers. However! It is red.

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I almost skipped faux lashes for fear they would cover up my painstakingly applied red liner, but then it occurred to me that I could paint the top of the lash strip red to match. It sort of worked!

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Red blush, just as the Founding Fathers intended.

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Some occasions in life warrant a provision-securing expedition to Walmart, and the 4th of July is one of them.

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Solid general style advice: when you feel like you’ve put on too many stars, you know you’ve finally reached the right amount.

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Did you know that when you go to the World of Coca-Cola museum in Atlanta, the guides make you sit through a short film about happy families who are like, brought together in sentimental ways by Coke before they let you enter the museum proper? It was the most emotional nine minutes of my entire life, and oh my god!! I just looked it up to try to remember how long it actually was and discovered it has an IMDb page and official film website with a trailer!

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Red lipstick, duh.

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My favorite 4th of July accessories are glow stick necklaces worn on my head as halos. This batch, unfortunately, was full of dead spots that were reluctant to become luminous even with . . . encouragement.

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There was still glow to be had, nonetheless!

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When it’s time for the festivities to start, you’ve gotta be in place with your fireworks-averse canine and a fuzzy blanket.

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Aaaaand, GO!!!

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The celebrations may last until the wee hours of the morning. Enjoy!

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Have a safe and courteous holiday, y’all.

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