How To Make Yourself Look Extremely Fabulous

Welcome to Make Your Face, a makeup tutorial series with a simple mission: makeup by you (me) for your (my) own entertainment, Establishment-style.

Ugh, man. It’s one of those days when I just don’t want to look at my own stupid face right now, you know?

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I suppose I should do something about that. I suppose I will become fabulous.

This foundation is, like, half a shade too light for me, but it works.

2

The key to lining your waterlines is to avoid directly crossing your pupil with the pencil — it’ll make you blink. The other key to lining your waterlines is desensitizing your eyeballs to the sensation of being poked with sharp soft sticks.

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Cover your lids with dark gray metallic shadow, applied wet:

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Then fluff out the edges with dry shadow and a brush.

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Throw on a couple coats of mascara. Stay hydrated.

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Contour the shit out of yourself with a your-skin-tone-plausible shade of pressed blush.

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Top your cheekbones off with slightly more bright blush than you feel comfortable wearing.

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Highlight aggressively.

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No, no, no, no: more aggressively! Way too much is what we’re going for, here.

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Ideally, remember to apply liquid eyeliner before mascara, but whatever. It serves as a good ground for your fake eyelashes.

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Put on your hair. (Extremely fabulous people don’t bother with clothes.)

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Put on your opulent jewel-covered masquerade mask.

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Put on a shit-ton of jewelry.

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When you’re this fabulous, red is gauche. Paint your mouth purple to better coordinate with the blue, blue blood that flows beneath your skin.

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And now, in order to achieve the highest possible summit of fabulosity, go back to bed.

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It’s not comfortable, but it’s fabulous! Wake me when it’s time to be admired.

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