How To Make Yourself Look Like A Ghostbuster
Welcome to Make Your Face, a makeup tutorial series with a simple mission: makeup by you (me) for your (my) own entertainment, Establishment-style.
Stay gold, Carrie, stay gold.
OOF, here goes. I understand the enormity of what I am about to state, and I am fully prepared to lose friends and family over this admission:
I have never watched Ghostbusters, the 1984 movie starring Bill Murray and Sigourney Weaver. Nor do I care to do so! I have no nostalgic affection for Old Ghostbusters at all; I do not care about Original Ghostbusters in the slightest. I watched the trailer for the new Paul Feig Ghostbusters this week, however, because, ladies, and . . . well . . . watch it for yourself.
My face, after watching, looked a lot like this:
Because what in the fresh fuck of shit is going on with Leslie Jones’ role?! It’s disappointing to see the one black lead presented as the lone uneducated member of the gang, and I am worried, based on the footage shown in this trailer, that she might merely exist in the film as a shrieking, slapping stereotype. That’s not anything I’m interested in seeing or perpetuating, and it’s just a damned shame to see something as lazy and unpalatable as racist characterization spit in everybody’s face and snatch the spotlight from the true and rightful star of this trailer:
Kate McKinnon’s Goggles.
I mean damn, let Leslie Jones wear a cool pair of goggles too! Put everybody in goggles! I don’t know a thing about busting ghosts, but it stands to reason that you’d have to wear goggles to do it, right? Don’t they spit slime? Wouldn’t you immediately take up wearing goggles everywhere if a ghost spit slime on you? Every citizen should be issued a pair of emergency goggles in the case of city-wide ghost infestation. I don’t know whether I will end up watching this movie or not when it comes out, but this trailer has definitely inspired me to incorporate goggles into my daily life.
If you happen to cohabitate with an optics enthusiast, locating some goggle-esque glasses should be easy.
Try on some different models; pick the pair that feels right to you.
If your goggle lenses are made of a colorless material rather than yellow safety polycarbonate, you can just fake the sunny effect with some eyeshadow. You can also try out your brand new orange eyeshadow, if you feel like it.
Practice your winking in the mirror. You need to have your wink down stone cold to get away with goggle-winking at others in public.
Pin up your hair.
And then stick a tester pair of colored contacts you found in The Big Pile of Glasses into your eyes! (Why not, right?)
Throw on a striped shirt, a vest, a large pendant on a thick chain, a thin neck scarf, a pair of overalls, a leather jacket, and, of course, the goggles.
Now you’re ready to help fight huge pernicious semi-visible slime-filled spirit-monsters, such as stubbornly racist depictions of black women in film in 2-thousand-freakin’-16!
Don’t let us down, Ghostbusters. Give us a black lady Ghostbuster who is a character in her own right, not a sassy stereotypical foil whose “humor” rests on existing as a black person in proximity to white women.