How To Make Yourself Look Like A St. Patrick’s Day Snake Woman

Welcome to Make Your Face, a makeup tutorial series with a simple mission: makeup by you (me) for your (my) own entertainment, Establishment-style.

In an excellent deployment of last week’s look, Hannah demonstrates the importance of wearing goggles while busting ghosts!

But this week we’re gonna forego the goggles and embrace the green. Saint Patrick’s Day is coming!

I am not Irish. I am not Catholic. I have no real defensible reason to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day. BUT! If Americans love anything, it’s a holiday that enables color-specific clothes-wearing, rowdy public inebriation, and mild physical assault. You’ve got to participate out of pure practical pinch-preemptive self-defense, so you might as well enjoy it!

Anyway, green is a great color.

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This shiny dark green shadow is a L’Oreal product that came in a little stick shape a (probably-unsanitarily) long time ago. I crushed it up in a little eyeshadow container for convenience and applied it with a wet Q-tip.

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And this dark metallic gray shadow came from Hot Topic, which also sells some surprisingly amazing nail polishes!

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Few things make me feel more badass than wearing a casually unconcerned expression while applying pigment to the waterline of my eye. It really frightens straight men, particularly.

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And I like to frighten straight men a little! Especially ones who might feel inclined to lay hands on my person, especially on occasions when they are apt to become irresponsibly drunk on green beer.

This green eyeliner turned out to be a little too close to the shade of my eyeshadow for my liking. I blotted it back off with a fingertip.

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I winged my eyeliner to make my eyes look longer, leaner, and meaner. Wet eyeshadow applied with an angled brush is another good medium for achieving the same aim, and is a little more forgiving than liquid liner.

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Mascara!

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I tried out some lashes that looked GREAT with the liner and really contributed to the “I am a beautiful terrifying snake woman with a penchant for literally eating the faces off of people” vibe I’m shooting for, but felt that they covered up an unacceptable amount of my green shadow. SO, instead I ripped ’em off, patched up my liner, and moved forward with my mission.

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Eyebrows! This “honey brown” Covergirl color is excellent for redheads.

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The key to contouring with a weird color (the key to contouring in general??) is to go all in. Put it on your hairline. Put it all around the edges of your face, beneath your cheekbones, on your earlobes. Put it along your jawline and underneath your chin and down your neck. Put it in your cleavage. Hell, in hindsight, I really regret that I didn’t put it on my armpits and in the bends of my elbows. I’m serious!

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Know what really complements green? Red.

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And dark green lipstick . . .

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. . . looks GREAT with red hair!

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Add a little gloss to up the shine factor.

And then — what the hell, when do you ever get a good excuse to do this normally — toss on a headless snake. (Not a real snake! Snakes are your friends. Is it really true that there are no snakes native to Ireland? Doesn’t seem very impressive on Saint Patrick’s part, driving snakes out of a country where no snakes exist.)

Go forth and enjoy your March 17! No one will try to pinch you.

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