How To Make Yourself Look Like Dolly Parton

Welcome to Make Your Face, a makeup tutorial series with a simple mission: makeup by you (me) for your (my) own entertainment, Establishment-style.

When times are hard and your own puny spirit threatens to falter, sometimes you have to borrow strength from something bigger than yourself.

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And when the road grows dark, a bright smile and a blinding array of sequins can light the way.

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Consider your wigs.

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Then fill in your brows.

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Tint your eyelids the color of a Smoky Mountain sunrise:

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And add black liner above and below your eyelashes.

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Gaze upon the face of inspiration once again; realize you need to add some navy.

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When you’re Dolly, you don’t have to bother coordinating your eyeshadow, blush, and lip shades.

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When you’re Dolly, you DO bother with eyelashes.

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Boobs!

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Sequins!!

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Hair!!!

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Overpaint your top lip with shiny red lipstick.

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Practice your smile in the mirror; practice keeping teeth clean of lip product.

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Get a mole.

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In this armor, nothing can hurt you.

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Oh, I know I’m no angel, but I’m better than that,

And Dolly’s still my hero; she knocks assholes FLAT.

There is nothing but sorrow in the place bigots dwell.

They can take that pain and misery and go STRAIGHT THE FUCK TO HELL!

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