‘I Thought I Was Lazy’: The Invisible Day-To-Day Struggle For Autistic Women

Adapting to daily life is not often factored into the diagnostic process for autism. It should be.

Rushing off the subway platform, I race through the crowded streets to try to make lunch with my friend. I’ve canceled on her twice this week, something she isn’t exactly thrilled about. As I cross an intersection, my foot catches the curb and I tumble to the ground, my phone smashing into the busy street. Grabbing it quickly, my daily reminders flash through the cracked screen — wash dishes, clean room, buy tampons, email manager.

I groan, remembering that I was supposed to do all of these things before lunch. How could I forget, again?

The tasks would take my friend less than an hour to finish, but errands require an entire morning for me to complete. I start to panic, contemplating how I will squeeze them into my schedule now. Overwhelmed by the thought of having to sit down and socialize while feeling on edge, I call my friend to cancel. She digs into me for being inconsiderate. I head home, filled with shame, but instead of beginning my tasks, I push the clothes on my bed aside, turn off my phone, and crawl under the covers.