Is Eight Years Too Long To Still Be Grieving?
I’m busy living my life, despite walking around with a sinkhole inside me.
M y best friend is getting married. It is beautiful and happy in every way. I stand in the hallway holding my bouquet, ready to walk down the aisle and support her when the music starts playing. An instrumental version of The Beatles’ “All You Need Is Love.”
*Slam*
There you are. The wedding in front of me fades away and I am back at your funeral, eight years ago. The memory crashes into me and I am helpless to stop it. You had always wanted to walk down the aisle at your wedding to “All You Need Is Love,” but when you died at 38, you hadn’t gotten married yet. So while eight of your strongest female friends accompanied your coffin out of the synagogue, we played the song for you. It wasn’t the walk down the aisle that you’d dreamed of, but it was the best we could do for you. You were my big sister. You are my big sister.
I try to clear the image from my head, to replace it with what is happening in front of me, but all I can see is your coffin. All I can think is how unfair it is that my friend, only 28 years old, is getting to experience what you had always wanted — a walk down the aisle to this wonderful song. I realize that I am physically shaking my head back…
