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The Establishment
Letter sent on Nov 3, 2017

Lay Your Head and Rest a While






Oh hai there.

To be honest? I’m feeling frayed.

I went to my first Al-Anon meeting last night and felt like a ghost projected endlessly upon myself. Translucent layer upon translucent layer shining wetly under the hot white fluorescent lights.

I was thick with portent and meaning, but you could have runs your hands right through me.

‘Where am I,’ I wondered to myself? Just how did I find myself in the basement of an Alameda church? How did I find myself so lost in worry I’ve begun to forget why I’ve walked into the other room? I fear I’ll run stoplights — that I’ll absent-mindedly drift my bike into oncoming traffic.

I’m no longer there. I feel like flesh wrapped around a feeling, a knot.
Where am I?

I know many of you feel this way too. For so. many. very, very good reasons. And as I sat there last night listening to other people’s stories, everyone insisted upon taking care of oneself first — “put on your oxygen mask before helping others.” I shook my head half-crying.

How do I that without feeling like I’m abandoning someone I love very very much to a darkness insatiable?! How can I try to be happy when someone who raised me is so goddamn miserable?!

. . .

I came home to dinner with my partner and four of my closest friends cooking dinner. The smell of chicken was wafting through the house and a watermelon daikon was splayed on a white plate — an arc of rainbowed pinks and greens.

I felt my body reconstitute itself. I felt my mind quieting.

If I can’t take care of myself just yet, I can at least let those that love me tend a small fire to warm myself beside.

Find those friends. Find those fires. Lay your head in their laps and rest a while.

With love + rage,
Katie Tandy
Co-founder | Creative Director

On Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, Milo Yiannopoulos, And The Weaponization Of Identity

By Clarkisha Kent

Even if you wanted to give Spacey the benefit of the doubt here (which I do not), you would have to assume that he is not aware of how historically charged it is to mention both assault and his sexuality in his statement, or how such claims have political power still today. Anyone with an iota of understanding about history or politics should get this, though — which suggests Spacey is fully aware of the harm his statement could cause, and just doesn’t give a fuck.

I know what you’re thinking — surely someone who, like Spacey, is “choosing to live as a gay man,” would care that he is doing irreversible damage to the work that queer and trans folx have done to normalize our very existence. Right?

The Extraordinary Sexism Of Extraordinarily Bad Movies

By Nikki Gloudeman

As much fun as this fandom can be — and it can be extremely fun — over time I came to develop a lingering discomfort with it all. The vast majority of revered bad movies were created by and star white men, and they frequently feature blatant, even outrageous, misogyny. But the issue runs deeper than that.

In a world where only 7% of directors are female, and movies directed by women receive 64% less distribution than those helmed by men, it’s hard to stomache a culture openly devoted to celebrating even the most incompetent white male filmmakers, making movies that revel in unchecked chauvinism.

Why Are People Into Witchy Eroticism?

By Tina Horn

I’m looking at a yellow and black book — Witches Sluts Feminists: Conjuring the Sex Positive. Shining out from the cover is a mouth modeled after Kristen’s: dark lipstick overlaid with gold sparkles and a glossy hint of wetness. Lips that are confrontational and alluring, lips parted in anticipation of incantation or orgasm.

Kristen describes the desire for the witch as “wanting to know and be known by a deep dark power.” This made me think about a witch’s lust as all-consuming, a potion mixing pleasure and pain.

And as for the erotics of being a witch, clearly being a Dionysian creature capable of bending reality to your intentions has its appeal.

Bad Advice On Fat-Shaming Your Partner

By The Bad Advisor

“First off, THANK YOU for being bold enough to admit to yourself what so many people are afraid to confront: That you think fat people are gross.

Nothing on earth is more admirable than your honesty in confronting this 100% factually accurate belief that too many of the world’s awesome thin people have been shamed into keeping to themselves.

Your openness is unparalleled, so just know that, whatever else happens, you are a really good person for saying out loud that you aren’t attracted to fat people, because that is a really brave and cool thing to do.”

The Women’s March Movement Is Trying — But Still Struggling — To Center Trans Voices

By Katelyn Burns

Enter this past weekend’s Women’s Convention in Detroit, hosted by Women’s March organizers, where I was invited to be on a panel titled, “Not all pussies are pink and not all women have pussies,” billed as an open discussion on how the feminist movement can be more inclusive of trans people.

Of over 125 panels, only two — including my own — directly addressed queer-related issues.

According to Women’s March Deputy Communications Director Sophie Ellman-Golan, who is queer herself, “…with limited time there are certain things that wind up being prioritized, and that is a result of what you think of first. So that’s not an excuse; you still make choices.”

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