Nazis, It’s Time For A Common Sense Approach To Not Getting Punched In The Face

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YES, THIS IS SATIRE. HOW ARE SO MANY PEOPLE DEFENDING NAZIS.

Let me start off by saying that nobody wants Nazis to get punched in the face, and having a Nazi bleed profusely all over a public sidewalk as the result of an unexpectedly inflicted head wound is not something any decent person would condone. Punching Nazis simply because you disagree with their plan to execute a mass genocide is reprehensible and inexcusable.

But this isn’t a perfect world, it’s the real world. And Nazis should consider taking some common-sense steps to avoid being punched in the face, such as never doing or saying anything that would lead anyone on earth at any time for any reason to believe that they are Nazis.

You can’t go around doing, saying, and believing racist things, and then expressing surprise when someone clocks you in the gourd for it.

Of course, it’s not fair that Nazis should have to change anything about their behavior or beliefs just to avoid being punched in the face, but if I knew a Nazi personally, I would hope they would heed this advice. You wouldn’t leave an expensive watch sitting on your driver’s seat and abandon your car, unlocked, on a dark street, would you? And then come up shocked to find the watch gone and your car vandalized? I mean, you can’t go around doing, saying, and believing racist things—like quoting Nazi propaganda and Hitler himself—and then express surprise when someone clocks you in the gourd for it. Not that there is anything inherently unconscionable with doing, saying, and believing racist things!

For their own safety, Nazis must consider not being unapologetic racists as a means of reducing their risk of getting punched in the face. To be sure, no one should ever have to hide their fundamentally eugenicist philosophy from the world, and certainly Nazis, as much as anyone else, deserve to publicly espouse their belief in the essential inferiority of people of color, Jews, LGBTQ people, the mentally ill, and other non-white, non-able-bodied members of the population whom they intend to kill en masse, like they did during World War II, at the first opportunity without worrying about being punched in the face.

I’m just trying to be realistic. Naturally we’d all prefer for Nazis to be able to do Nazi stuff and be Nazis without suffering any repercussions whatsoever, forever, for the entirety of their lives, for any reason.

In a perfect world, Nazis would be able to walk around espousing genocide as a means of achieving their goal of purifying the human race without fear of being punched in their faces. Nobody wants Nazis to be free to execute their racist extermination plan more than I do! I’m just asking questions: Maybe if Nazis weren’t so into that whole racial-exceptionalism-as-a-justification-for-murder thing, they’d get punched in the face a little less often.

I’m not trying to tell Nazis how to live their lives; I just want Nazis to realize the risk they’re taking when they do and say the racist things that no one should ever punch them in the face for doing and saying. Until the day Nazis can act with the full support of a racist right-wing government behind them in this country, they should mind what they do, how they talk, and where they wear those swastikas.

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