New Startup ‘At Your Service’ Delivers Women To Marriage-Minded Men

Ahhhh, the warm winds of June. The smell of lilting blossoms is in the air and so is the not-so-sweet stench of lonely, love-lorn men.

Poor gents. They’re all ready to have their socks darned and a warm pie bubbling in the oven. They’re ready to BBQ for the neighbors, make mewling babies, and grow glassy-eyed as they stare, hopeless, into a three-fingered glass of whiskey.

Lucky for us lady-folks, we’ve been hard-wired to don a veil in June; the weather has grown just hot enough to make our corsets unbearable. What finer time to traipse down the aisle than with the blistering sun beating upon your brow, the slow drip of perspiration serving as the perfect reminder of the latent — but consistent irritation — you will both find in one another’s eyes as you grow old together.

Do I hear church bells a’ ringing? You bet I do!

And if you’re anything like me, big decisions feel paralyzing — and what’s more daunting than choosing your forever-mate? (Nothing is the answer I’m looking for.) Happily, our collective prayers have been heard; At Your Service sends a handful of women — batteries not included! — in slender boxes right to your doorstep.

Now all you have to do, is sit back, get packaged up, and let a man choose you for his bride!

Congratulations, you look ravishing in cardboard. (And white.)

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Enjoy more old-school misogyny right here!
Lead image: Flickr / Curt Smith

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