Once You Have Made Pornography
The world will view you as an object — but you cannot be broken.
Pornography will change your life. There is no way to fully convey to you the absoluteness of this. The magnitude with which this is true. This is not the kind of job that recedes softly into the rearview after you quit. This is not the kind of job that you do once and then forget. This job is not forgettable. Once you have done it, anyone who knows you have done it sees a mark on you — believes there is a thing about your personality or life history that is revealed.
After you have made pornography, it will be viewed as a part of you forever, and because it is viewed this way it will be a part of you forever.
If you are very lucky — if the exact intersecting set of circumstances allows you to have a significant amount of control over the sharing of your experience with others — you will still have to decide every time you meet someone whether to tell them. You will have to calculate the likelihood of their finding out anyway, and figure out the number and complexity of lies and omissions that would be necessary to conceal this fact. You will have to estimate the expected intensity and impact of their reaction and the power they are likely to have over you if you do tell them. You will have to do all of this very quickly, for your own…
