Testosterone Helped Me Feel Like Myself — Here’s Why I Stopped Taking It

By Jaz Joyner

After years of contemplation, I made the difficult decision to begin taking testosterone shots. Three months ago, I made the even more difficult choice to go off. This is my story.

It all started with my voice.

I was nicknamed “Minnie Mouse” as a kid due to my high-pitched trill. I became an adult and my cartoonish squeak transformed into what society considers quite desirable for a cis woman. But therein lies the problem — I am not a woman.

From my preteen years onward, every time I spoke I was reminded of how easy it was for others to reject my identity based on false gender markers. Back then I didn’t know exactly what to call myself. I only knew I was not a woman and felt more comfortable presenting masculine — which my voice was not. And so my voice became the root of my gender dysphoria. I’d keep silent as much as possible rather than speak up with the possibility of being misgendered. I felt testosterone would be my only solace.

And yet, the decision to go on it was far from an easy one. I spent hours delving into the world of FTM YouTube videos and various resources to learn more…