Why I Got Married When I Don’t Believe In Marriage
By Jaz Joyner
I wrote off marriage at the ripe old age of 13. Years later, I met someone, fell in love, and got married after all. But it wasn’t love that made us decide to marry. In fact, I don’t think marriage as an institution has anything to do with love.
Marriage, like many institutions, is historically rooted in ideas about ownership, maintaining the patriarchy, and government control — not love, independence, or real choices. The earliest records of marriage show that it was widely used as a means for men to maintain power: marrying off daughters and producing heirs to “forge alliances and accrue land.” Marriage was often a non-romantic act in which women had little say.
Just as we often do not closely examine the origins of marriage, we also overlook ways in which the institution needs to be reformed. Married couples are typically offered tax benefits, health insurance, family leave, and other advantages. Meanwhile, couples who choose not to marry are not allowed visitation rights if their partner has been hospitalized, cannot file taxes jointly even if they have combined their finances, and in many cases lack a degree of respect enjoyed by people who get hitched. Non-marital options, such as domestic partnerships and civil unions, have explicit limitations, and are often only recognized in the…
