Shame Is Not A Motivator, It’s A Destroyer Of Peace & Acceptance

Plus understanding: read to find out!

Shame is something that we all have a habit of repeating every time we want change because we can’t aren’t get through to people in a nice kind non-demanding way. We use this method because it eventually gets our main message across but comes with the risks of both sides letting things out that we all regret soon enough.

But what other way is there to inspire and create healthy change in the world? Where oh where would a healthier, safer and yet kinder method to use to bring across positive change?

That is the tough part about having adult children. You have to let them make their own choices and mistakes! ~ Melanie, Hot In Cleveland

Maybe it involves for the parents out there to allow their newly matured young adults between 18–25 to make their own choices and mistakes and let them live with the consequences of their actions. Whether parents try to control us even beyond high school is because they don’t want to see their baby kids grow up and move away and make a life of their own.

Not so much in the selfish view or belief, but that they may not be so easily accepted with having their own kids grow up so fast; going off to college/university or other life plans. But in the real deep end of this, they have to accept this reality at some point and let them make their own adult choices and mistakes; and not get in their space like they have their childhood and all up to this day.

It’s time to put away the training wheels; it’s time to let go of the part and embrace the future of change in a happy, positive and optimistic light!

You’re pretty tough on my residents… Shame-based learning isn’t my style. ~ Dr. Audrey Lim

Shame does not inspire healthy change like I’ve explained so far here. But what method would inspire change? Inspiration, hope, kindness, compassion, empathy, consideration and many others; these are the kinds of things we should use more of in our daily busy lives!

Because that is what will get your kids to open up to you, to be vulnerable and let their guard down that they’ve kept up for almost their whole life till today. Today is the day you give your kids the best gift they ever wanted: parents who truly listen and hear what they’re kids are sharing with them, not shaming them or judging them harshly!

Parents who are kind and sensitive around particular subjects and give you space around the right times and respect your boundaries and don’t violate anything that isn’t their own. And if they have any questions, ask us; don’t be afraid!

We have many answers to many of them; maybe not all of them but a fair amount and we’ve all been waiting for the opportunity to have these moments with them because of how many of the same moments they prevented from happening out of their same-old-love that their own parents gave them in their childhood years!

The people you know best are the ones most capable of surprising you! ~ Gossip Girl

I know that I struggle to listen and see things differently sometimes and that my ignorance and my own mind blocks my own vision and judgment with seeing and listening. But deep down, I’m just as human as any of you. I’m just someone who just wants: forgiveness, compassion, empathy, understanding, kindness, consideration, patience and unconditional love!

Even after all that I’ve been through and all that people have treated me for ever so long. I didn’t think it was that big of a thing to ask out of anyone. I’m sorry I expected such a big favour to you to do for me. It’s something I thought was just less hard and smaller than you think it may be.

Imagine yourself in a moment where sometime or many others involved refuses to be empathetic, understanding, kind and more for you when experiencing something: traumatic, heart-breaking, tragic, not normal, or anything else you can think of. Imagine or remember how that feels for you?

Well now think about if you had a chance to be on the opposite side and give someone a chance and experience to be understood, seen, heard, accepted and even cared for with being considerate of someone else’s feelings and wellbeing!