The Hope Of Ukraine Has Been Chosen

Nawww what a pretty image. Go Ukraine!

Ukraine has always brought exciting acts to the Eurovision stage. They are usually very visual with crazy sets and props, and silly or sexy costumes to excite the crowd. Plus the music they produce is simple amazing — pure pop crack that instantly gets stuck in your head and leaves you with a hangover. Since I’m reminiscing, here are my favourite Ukrainian acts from Eurovision (Hyperlinked for your pleasure):

So after a year's hiatus we should expect nothing less than the kitchen sink being thrown at us. So let’s get straight into the final and find out if Ukraine has what it takes to produce another classic.

Ukraine National Selection

(In running order)

#1 Brunettes Shoot Blondes — Every Monday

Overall Rating: 2/5 hamster wheels

What does it sound like? Slow, mumbling rock song. It’s a Coldplay song — annoying for no apparent reason. I don’t know, really don’t like it.

Stand out moment: The backup singers having bunny ears for no apparent reason. The crowd love these boys and they look to be a hometown favourite.

Fun fact: These boys had a viral hit, and no it wasn’t a porno.

How did they go? Last. Nawwww *Coughs*

#2 NeAngely (NuAngels) — Higher

Overall Rating: 4/5 hamster wheels

What does it sound like? A Ukraine Euro-pop banger, but that beat sounds like something from SIGMA.

Stand out moment: I realised that I was going to get not one, but two Ukrainian songstresses on stage. Wooosh! What a performance! Plus their coordinating black outfits made them look super widow-esk.

Fun fact: I want to wear that cat suit.

How did they go? Equal 4th with another act. Sigh, what a shame.

#3 The Hardkiss — Helpless

Overall Rating: 3/5 hamster wheels

What does it sound like? Evanescence reborn!

Stand out moment: When the backup singer goes and does her own thing at 1:09. By golly gosh this girl has some amazing vocal talent and that dress with the pipes and lighting is pretty awesome (Very Cezar from 2013).

Fun fact: Her dress was attached to pipes, which were fueling her with newborn baby blood so she could hit those high notes.

How did they go? Second! Rightly so, the crowd was going nuts for this.

#4 Jamala — 1944

Overall Rating: 4/5 hamster wheels

What does it sound like? A junkyard pop song with clanging instruments and a cracking voice.

Stand out moment: When she goes all Mariah Carey at the end of the song. Pow, right in the kisser!

Fun fact: Red is her favourite colour.

How did she go? Winner! It’s very different from the other acts going into Eurovision, so it’s sure to stand out within the contest.

Is it strong enough to win? Maybe it will sneak into the top 10.

#5 SunSay — Love Manifest

Overall Rating: 1/5 hamster wheels

What does it sound like? Mid tempo, soul pop. Everytime he said “Love, Love, Love” my eye twitched. I’m being serious, his voice was like nails to a chalkboard.

Stand out moment: When the curtain falls and the audience all have their smartphone lights on. Always a sucker for that type of shit.

Fun fact: I gave him 1 vote because of the crowd, not because I felt sorry for him.

How did he go? Third? How? Did everyone watch this?

#6 Pur:Pur — We Do Change

Overall Rating: 1/5 hamster wheels

What does it sound like? Ballad with a slow clap and guitar.

Stand out moment: When the wind machine kicks in and the backup singers hold umbrellas the wrong way. WTF?

Fun fact: A 2 year old child did Pur:Pur’s makeup at after school care.

How did he go? Equal 4th with the amazing NeAngely. How these are equal… I don’t have a clue.

So there we have it…Shit all from Ukraine this year. What are your thoughts on Ukraine’s entry into Eurovision 2016? Will it be a classic? Or will it fall flat on it’s face? Comment and follow for more Eurovision news as it happens.

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