The mission of being happy (Part A)

“Acceptance is to accept what is it now.
Not what it could have been
it would be
it should be
Not how I wanted it to be
how it was
how it might have been
Acceptance is to accept what it is now.
I already can’t change the situation.
So I will set off from here,
and face everything with a positive attitude.”

​2018 has gone past a quarter and a half month. Hello, April, you’ve been welcoming me with a good time with my best friend and the start of a new semester. Originally thought life could just be in a shell and I’m more or less open to try more things. In reality, things didn’t turn out to be what I wanted it to be. For example, I bought 24 boxing lessons in the mid of January, yet till now (mid of April) I only used 8 of them. I didn’t even touch a piano for several months, just simply given the fact that there’s only one room for rent in Singapore and the one at my home is out of tune. I put so much efforts and energy on finding A job but eventually the ones I pursued hard didn’t encore and the ones I didn’t put hope in sort of gave me nice calls… I was full of negativity, and besides that I had very loving and supportive people around me, I filled their loving hearts with negativity which they absolutely didn’t deserve. So far, I could only say that I survived these first months of my 23, but yet still not making too much out of it. In retrospect, I even set more regrets for me to blame myself for not making changes at that time…

How would I phrase it? The view that I obtain decided how I view the situations. If I’m blurred with negativity that I ignored the things that I should cherish, I will feel miserable. And I’ve been. And I’m fed up with that. I want to change. It’s difficult. But only until you realize that changing is for a better self eventually, you might have the courage to do it.

How have I been? I’ve been ok, sort of picking up to be more positive. Travel to some places and believe that I’m headed a right way. Combating what I inherited on pessimism and fight against it is hard work.
I respect self will. As long as you are determined to do something and you know you are right to do it, you can eventually do it. Don’t give up.

Still too young, too naive, know a lot of manners but don’t know how to apply them to the real life. I never really encountered a change in my life and life was unbelievably smooth, and till now it seems like it was scary somehow. Always obedient, always consider self as an object and have no real “self” is absolutely a problem. Not only can I achieve something bigger and greater by viewing myself as a powerful woman and self, but also it could give me more power to keep working on myself and what I could influence.

I absolutely admire the outgoing, active and positive people in my life — they are like sunshine that empower me with warmth and good mood. Think about myself — am I really that miserable? Am I really helpless? What am I putting a lot of pressure on myself? Useless, pointless!… Continue to thrive and do better on yourself and leave everything else to time.

Here’s the things I have done for a while and will continue doing it till it inherits to me:
1. Write down three things that make me happy today, no matter how tiny they are — just the beautiful weather in Singapore would be sufficient to act as
2. Write down three things that I appreciate today. A help from a classmate, an appreciation of effort from anyone, a smile from a stranger…
3. Note down the moments that you are unhappy and do situational analysis — why are you angry? Is it worth to be that angry? Is being angry helping you to reach your goals?
4. Send positive and empowerful signals to self, be confident and gain self-esteem — all the mottos, all the inspiring stories. Read them with gratitude.
5. Acknowledge that it’s hard, it’s very hard, but don’t give up — resistence, resilience.

Try to do the following:
1. NO negaitivity for 3 days — a small goal but definitely reachable.
2. Keep writing a situational analysis whenever feeling angry — again, be more rational on emotions will help to clear your mind.
3. Use Socratic questioning on checking the necessity for over-reaction — I’m easily blurred with illusions and questioning myself could crack the emotions down to reach a calmer conclusion to solving a problem.
4. Understand a situation or question before acting. Put down the phone when angry.
5. Orient situations with the goal to “reach my goals”. Don’t believe in things that don’t empower you — as Sean Stephenson mentioned in his TED talk.

I’ll record the materials that I’ve been using, starting with some books that have been helping me to find better ways to cope with my own issues and become better self:
1. Change your thinking by Sarah Edelman
2. How to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie
3. Find your element by Ken Robinson
4. The power of habit by Charles Duhigg
5. TED talks on different topics (eventually I want to write my own)
6. 7 secrets of persuation by James Crimmins
I will share the methods that I’ve been using by writing down my own examples and the means to use them. Trying out Cognitive Behacior Therapy (CBT) has been very helpful for me, and I believe many of you could benefit from it. I only had some knowledge on organizational behavior from previous studies (not a Psychology major), but I’m changing and thus wanting to read more on materials to cheer self up.

In the coming articles I will also try to find out why I’ve became not as outgoing and brave as I used to be — or at least recognize that I’m not as “bold” (in a good way) as before. I believe growing up to an adult has changed me tremendously, especially under the circumstances that I’m moving around the world. But, would be interesting to look deeper into myself too.

Last but not least, “Don’t judge, just try to understand”.
To all of you and all of us on this road.

ps. 3 things that made me happy today:
1. It’s Thursday and weekend is right at the corner — could have a chance to rest from this busy first week very soon.
2. Got a TA offer extended and will help out on interesting projects in the coming weeks.
3. Wrote this long-waited article, officially kick starting my blogging journey again. I want to kick away the negativity as much as I can!

I hope I’m not too late to start. And I’m not. Thanks for all the opportunity.
Enjoy your reading and much love,
Yingzhao

An inspiring TED talk for more power: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaRO5-V1uK0&sns=fb

(all articles available on my blog too: helloyingzhaozhu.weebly.com)

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