Your perception of things is stopping you to lead a content life
Last year, when I was working with a startup called CheckedIn, I took a week off from work to travel. Right before I was back, my boss called me and asked to be present at the office on the following Monday “without fail”. I had the liberty of timing at work and all the meetings were fixed through google calendar. Thus the last part unsettled me.
I started thinking about all the possible situations that can happen. Most of those were just fantasies of my head. Made up situations which had no chance of happening. but in my mind, I wanted to be sure about every single possibility.
Every thought increased my anxiety, what if I lose my job, what if I can’t pay my EMIs on time, what if I can’t go on the trip to Meghalaya, I have planned with my friends, next month. Tossing and turning in my bed with every thought. I thought about reasons why I can lose my job, will it be for taking a long break, am. I taking the job for granted and not working hard enough?
I couldn’t sleep that night.
But in the end, he just wanted to go through the numbers and take a call on the possibility of 3x growth if we put in more money. He wanted my analysis on it, my opinion before taking any call. And the night before I was freaking out.
You have a choice. If you are a coward you can give up cowardice, if you are a hero you can stop being a hero.
What do you want to do?
Stop believing that your temperament is an action and it is what defines you. It does not. And temperament can be changed by action, constant actions. Nobody knows that you are a coward, not even you. You only know when you do something cowardly.
And, if not, then, isn’t it just in your mind? It is your perception of yourself that is stopping you to do something about it, when in fact it is only you who can do something to change that. Nobody, neither I, can help you. You are on your own here and it’s the most powerful thing.
Marcus Aurelius, the Stoic philosopher turned Roman Emperor, said,
“Here is the rule to remember in the future, when anything tempts you to feel bitter: not ‘This is a misfortune,’ but ‘To bear this worthily is good fortune.’”
All your actions are defined by your beliefs. And one thing with ‘cowards’ is that you already held yourself guilty of being a coward before taking any action and that belief is what’s responsible for cowardice. Not you!
Those thoughts though didn’t have a direct impact on my life overall but my estimates for the growth on that day was humble. The analysis involved less risky situations then I would have considered otherwise.
That day I realised, first that all those over-evaluation of any situations is not required at all and second, if my mind is full of negative thoughts it will leave less space on positive ones and I will end up settling for mediocre results than aiming for something big.
There is a strange thing about the chain of thoughts. When you think about a possible situation you also think about how you will act in that situation. It’s 2x negative. You, then, start accessing those actions you are planning on and then end up taking a safer bet. You want a positive outcome in a negative situation after all. An outcome that works for you, that keeps you safe from the negative outcome.
It’s difficult to think positive all the time after all life is never in black and white, it’s in the greys. The best way to avoid potholes is to first, stop overthinking and then second, whenever you are thinking about your possible actions for a situation, make it positive and be open to risks.
But how are you gonna do that? It is easier said than done. Let me put out two approaches which I think can work for you. I have tried both and they worked for me. So here they are –
- Be open to possibilities –
After that experience, I realised that losing my sleep over something was not at all required. I was worried and stressed for no reason. If I would have taken better decisions, my inputs have would have been a lot creative. But I was playing it safe because I was prepared for a lot of possibilities but not what actually happened.
The best way to avoid overthinking is to be open to possibilities instead of preparing yourself for everything. You have to accept this fact that you can not, ever, prepare yourself for everything. But when you are open to possibilities you accept as they come and you are giving your gut the space to make the right call. And when you are preparing yourself for everything your gut takes a backstage and you end up targeting the safe option.
2. Ask yourself ‘Why?’ –
Initially, when I knew that I have to get over this habit of overthinking, which I am still not completely over with, I started questioning myself why am I thinking about the possibilities. Why can’t I just let it go and be in the moment? After all, that’s what I believe life should be led. But I am not living in the moment when I am daydreaming about all those possibilities. Questioning the process with all those ‘why’s helped me at a certain level.
If you find it difficult to stop yourself from overthinking then ask yourself why are you doing it and what are the outcomes you expect from it. Asking yourself why every time you start overthinking will help you ease it out and bring you out of the loop. You may get back into the loop of imagining possibilities, but then you have to repeat this again and again till you calm yourself.
Your thoughts aren’t objects and neither are the actions, but they influence your objectivity and actions every time, even when you don’t realise it. Thoughts arise from the whole context of your life, your experience, your way of seeing the world. You can either let them dictate your existence or you can take the charge and dictate them as you want.
As put it by Nietzsche -
“The will to overcome an emotion is ultimately only the will of another, or of several other, emotions.”