What I Learned About America — And Myself — While Living Abroad
I never thought I’d be approaching ten years of living abroad outside of my home country, the US. But now that I am, I’m amazed at what’s been surprising — and what hasn’t. It’s not what the movies and books predicted.
1. What reveals your American identity to others is different than you might think.
When I initially moved from home in the US to study in the UK, I knew my American identity would be clear when I opened my mouth. I expected this to happen in classes or when I ordered coffee. But as one of just a few Americans in my PhD program, and now as a working professional spending time in the UK, Africa, South Asia and the Middle East, I’ve slowly come to learn how people identify my national identity long before I open my mouth. Flip flops worn anywhere outside of the beach, college branded clothing and chunky backpacks can be a giveaway. So can one’s posture, a mix of slouching and puffed chests, or an anxious grin. These markers are not always negative, and, while I can be associated with them, I also enjoy spotting them among tourists now that I somehow get it, at least more than I did before moving abroad.
2. The American dream matters to others, and that’s important
The illusive American Dream. It is loaded, even a subject of scandal these days, and means different things to different people. But what has amazed me more than I expected was just how significant it is as a reference point outside of our borders. The zero to hero mindset, the idea of coming from nothing, building a multi-billion dollar company from a tattered garage. These stories are problematic, and not wrought with healthy realism and critique both inside and outside of the US. But the surprising thing to me has been how much they really matter to people outside of the US. Many are watching and rooting for the realisation of America’s idealism, and continue to be inspired by the American dream despite the failures we all know and see.
3. Certain things like guns and healthcare are unthinkable to those beyond the US. We should always recognize how shocking these issues are to others, even if we’re used to them.
Guns. Healthcare. These are issues and debates which will never go away in the US. But outside of American borders, I’ve been amazed by how simply unfathomable some of these issues can be in ways I often take for granted coming from an American mindset. For one, the very concept of prevailing gun rights and the power of a gun lobby, in the face of so much violence, constantly needs explaining from the context of US cultural ethos and history. Is it something vague about militias and times gone by? About defending oneself from the police? About the very American spin on the concept of ‘liberty’. How can we continue to have headline-sizzling mass school shootings and nothing changes. And on top of that, there’s healthcare. No one can afford it, the system is complicated for rich and poor alike, and no one except the rich companies seem to be benefitting. We know this, and nothing changes. How can that be? There are, of course, reasons and subtleties. But many abroad are stuck without this context, making the view from abroad of America all the more bizarre.
4. You can feel more American while abroad, despite being miles away from home.
Something constantly surprising to me has been how much more American I sometimes feel while abroad than at home. Lately, my calls home have prompted laughs from my high school friends who elbow me around ‘sounding increasingly British’. My finace is South African-British, my friends are now a global mix, and with the pandemic this year keeping me from visiting home I can sometimes feel farther from America than ever. But even so, elections and cultural moments like the 4th of July or the Super Bowl are so important to me while watching abroad (maybe more than when I was living back home in New Jersey). I find while living in the UK I sometimes crave the connection to all things US politics and culture, and my friends here are always asking for help from me to explain the latest US stories. These moments make me feel all the more strongly tied to my American roots, the more I’ve moved away from them.
5. Food from home = comfort, and this matters more than you might think.
Before moving abroad, I never think I’d pay $6 for a small, squashed, and probably out-of-date bag of parmesan flavored goldfish crackers. Then ten years living internationally hit. When I was in Doha, a little online shop was selling old-school American sweets to a little US expat community at sky high prices — and parties to enjoy these snacks were peak in the social calendar. A similar phenomenon exists in the UK. Swedish fish, Jiffy mix, saltines, pop tarts, lucky charms and dill pickles are among the favorites for expats and British Americana enthusiasts alike, despite the recognition that few of us would buy these so religiously if we were actually at home. You see, living abroad can be difficult, and sometimes all you need is a sweet 90s treat to make you feel safe and comforted. And yes, I will now pay anything for a dry, salty little goldfish cracker when the mood hits and I’m feeling lost among a sea of British tea biscuits and haribo with few options for that perfect salty American fix.
6. Hollywood shapes how the world sees us, for better or worse.
My South African/British fiance often refers to Americana in ways that confuse me. How does he know that — about thanksgiving, proms, summer camp, etc. And what are these weird references?? It turns out, there is one clear answer. Some mix of South Park, Friends, American Pie, and whatever the latest off beat teen comedy on Netflix is usually the culprit. Let’s face it, while global arts are fantastic and movies and TV are increasingly globalizing (thank goodness), the US had the market somewhat cornered for many teens, for many years. These forms of cultural diplomacy were wildly powerful, more so than I ever thought. Next time we need a global crisis solved, maybe we should consider sending a character from Friends, because I’ve never seen a show more beloved by a more unexpected audience (British 30 somethings).
7. American optimism. It’s real, it matters, and it can make a difference.
Sometimes in my office I’ve noticed colleagues eyebrows lifting at an American client or partner. In these situations there is sometimes another case of the dreaded American Optimism. Too many exclamation points, and over zealous conference presentation, or a can-do attitude just when we really don’t need it. I’m amazed how much I carry some of these traits, even when I consider myself a rather subdued and introverted when at home in the US. Oftentimes, while these traits might be a little off putting in a cultural context where reservedness is the norm, they can have an incredible warming effect and make a difference in moments where a solution seems hard to find. I now cherish those sides of myself, even if I am a little more self-conscious about what is so ‘American’ about my professional approach.
8. Our elections mean a lot to the world. And we shouldn’t forget it.
I moved to the UK during Obama’s final term, and lived abroad through what felt like increasingly tense Congressional elections, and two over-the-top US election cycles. In these times, what really hit me was how much my friends and colleagues sat with me staying up all night and biting their nails on election night as much as I was. These issues matter immensely, even as we see the view of US hegemonic power waning and visions of a new global order. Americans should hold this powerfully in their understanding of US politics — the world is watching, and what we do really matters beyond our borders.
9. The history we learn is shaped by our national imagination. History differs depending where you learn it.
As my partner studied for his UK immigration exam last year, I was amazed to see how quickly I would fail it. As a political scientist, I was familiar with wide cannons of literature on history and politics — but more and more I came to realize these canons were skewed to an American worldview. Colonial history, centuries and centuries of monarchies and wars, erased entirely from my ‘AP US History’ syllbus. Our knowledge of the world is deeply shaped by the history education we receive, and we’ll all place our understanding of the world within that context. The good news is there is always time to learn and broaden one’s grounding in global historical lenses, and improve our education systems. No time like the present!
10. No country is perfect.
After all this time abroad, I’ve come to love America far more deeply than I ever thought I would. I’ve also never been so disappointed by America, and never felt so distant from it. And that’s okay. You can be drawn both closer and further from their American identity while abroad. And you can, crucially, enjoy the incredible lessons that can come from the paradoxes of a life abroad, and a heart at home.
