Embarrassing Moments in Learning a Second Language

Early on in our 32-years-and-counting marriage, my Darling asked me, “What do you call someone who speaks three languages?”

I replied, “Trilingual.”

She then asked, “So what do you call someone who speaks two languages?”

I knew something was up, because she had that I’m-about-to-teach-you-something look on her face, but like most husbands, I was like the proverbial deer that figured those two really bright lights were really interesting to look at as they grew bigger and bigger, and said “Bilingual”.

Then my Darling asked, “So what do you call someone who speaks only one language?”

She was smiling a little too sweetly by now, but I was still entranced by those lights and replied, “Um…monolingual?”

“No. American.”

Her point was obvious: only in America are there people who think that speaking only one language is somehow preferable or even patriotic. To the great majority of the rest of the world, fluency in two or even several languages is laudable and often expected, for multilingualism is a real advantage in business and in life. That was when I decided that I would learn her language, Tagalog (also known as Pilipino), the main dialect spoken in the Philippines.