Hiding Behind Hobby

A Lesson from a Year of Books

I have a secret that I have been hiding from myself for years now:

I am a creative person.

This might be a funny thing to hear because by trade I am a ‘creative’, working with photos and videos and web design on a daily basis.

Yet for years I’ve (jokingly, but not jokingly) called myself the “least creative creative”, pointing to my ability to manage people and projects as a major skill in my own role instead of pointing to my own inherent ability to create.

This might be most evident when it comes to photography. In the past if someone asked me if I was a photographer, I would be quick to say something along the lines of “Well sure, I take photos as a fun little hobby.” I would always give some response which only served to downplay my own artistic ability or creativity.

I would never say the truth:

“Yes.”

Why did I do this? Honestly, I’m unsure. Perhaps it was a protective measure, a subconscious self-defense. Perhaps it was an attempt to distance myself from the possibility of critique. Perhaps it was simple insecurity, a verbalization of my uncertainty regarding whether I really was a creative person or not…or perhaps, quite simply, they were words spoken entirely out of fear.

Regardless, I have spent much of this past year learning that the ‘excuses’ and explanations aren’t necessary.

I am a photographer.

I am creative.

It’s how I am built, and I’m learning to embrace this side of myself to the fullest instead of downplaying it. Calling what I do a simple hobby simply isn’t doing justice to the craft, just as it isn’t doing justice to my own life.

I am reminded of ‘The Artisan Soul’, a book by Erwin McManus on “crafting your life into a work of art.” The author argues that creativity “…should be an everyday experience. Creativity should be as common as breathing. We breathe, therefore we create.” Taking it even further, he has this to say:

We are inherently spiritual creatures, we are by our nature creative beings, yet we live in the fear that if we aspire to be more we will discover ourselves to be less. We live in fear of failure, convinced that failure will prove us to be frauds. We have bought into the lie that creative people never fail and hence failure is proof that we are not creative. So we get back in line, our dreams in check, and condemn our souls to a slow and painful death.

This passage resonates with me, because I was ready to fall victim to this type of thinking. The strangest thing is, it’s entirely internal. Never was there a moment in my life where I was taught that I wasn’t creative — I simply assumed this was true, myself. Never was there a moment where I was told that I couldn’t be a photographer, and embrace the role — I told myself that ‘truth’, again and again.

This is a lesson that has taken me a good six or seven years to learn, and I’m still learning it every day. If you feel a call to create on your life, realize that you might be your own worst enemy. Don’t be stopped by that voice inside of your head that says you aren’t the best person for the job. Let the world in to the unique experience that you bring to the table, and make something new.

I published more notes from ‘The Artisan Soul’ over at my books project. Give them a read if you want to embrace the creative side of yourself that you’ve always cast away. It’s, undoubtably, a worthwhile endeavor.