Why Gender Matters
Or coming out of the feminist closet
It has been a few months since I decided to come out of the feminist closet and become publicly vocal about my political opinions on the subject.
A lot of people have asked about my sudden interest in these issues or why I was suddenly so outspoken about it. If I’m honest, I’ve been interested in the topic from an intellectual perspective for a few years now. And it has been almost a decade since I first felt the feminist voice inside me, I just didn’t know how to set her free.
So finally, after some needed years of life experience and amazing people who have inspired me, showed me the way and walked with me my first steps, I came to liberate my feminist voice. As it turns out, it had a lot of things to say. And I want to do so much more.
Why gender?
I fundamentally believe that gender is the key transversal issue that affects all of us throughout our lives.
Since before we take our first breath of fresh air until the day we are buried, our gender will determine, affect and influence how we live our lives.
Because the first thing that most people ask when soon to be parents announce their coming baby is: is it a boy or a girl?!. It isn’t a coincidence for that matter that there is an increasing craze for gender reveal parties; people care so much because that answer is what sets you in a given path before you are even conscious you are a person.
Your gender will obviously determine how people call you, your appropriate haircut, the colour of your blanket and most of your clothes and toys. It will change how your parents talk to you and the way they’ll raise you. It will define what you are allow to do and how; from going to school or taking care of the house chores, to the kind of sports, games, music and films you are expected to like and how you are supposed to talk.
Your gender will make a world of difference in how strangers look at you and treat you. It will change if you feel unsafe or confident when walking on the street alone. If you’re lucky enough to receive an education, it will influence how teachers treat you, what subjects you are supposed to be better or worse at, and the probability you have of finishing your degree. Eventually, it will then affect the type of profession or work you either choose (again if you’re reaaaally lucky to even have a choice) or the one you are assigned to. Of course it will define how much your time and effort is worth regardless of your performance, meaning the paycheck you’ll get at the end of each month. Because we live in a market economy, your income will further determine the options available and choices you get to make with your life.
Your gender will also determine the adjectives people will use to describe you, even when doing the exact same thing as someone from the opposite gender. It will define the parameters and the vocabulary you will be entitled to use to express your emotions. It will affect the way you are represented in the media and advertising. It will then influence you in the way you measure yourself against others. What makes you the ideal “woman/man”, assuming you fall into one of those categories, for non-binary people the struggle goes to a different level. It will eventually pressure you to attain certain ‘life goals’ at certain moments of your life, and make you feel borderline suicidal if you can’t cope with those unrealistic expectations and demands.
Your gender will influence your odds of contracting STDs, engage in high risk behaviours and committing suicide. It will also clearly determine how you treat and relate to those around you, both strangers and those you choose to love. Oh, and it will also affect the number of orgasms you’ll get to enjoy on average during intercourse.
Your gender will determine your reproductive choices and what others feel entitled to say about them. It will affect how that choice might influence your career (again, if you are really lucky to have one to begin with) or keep you out of the job market altogether. It will then influence the relationship you are supposed to have with your children: from how much time you are allow to spend with them right after they are born, to the degree of involvement in their lives society expects while they grow up.
Your gender will influence how and what the market sells to you, as well as how politicians try to convince you, ultimately influencing how you buy and vote.
Your gender and all the subsequent consequences that arise from it, will alter the relationship you have with yourself, how you look at the mirror, and what do you say when the reflection looks back. It will even determine what will be written in your epitaph when you depart from this world.
Your gender determines so many things that it can feel scary and perhaps a bit overwhelming knowing how limited our life choices have been. How different our lives would have been had we were born the opposite sex.
Time to take a deep breath…
I do not intend to cause you an identity crisis, just to make you aware how bloody important gender is: personally, professionally, economically, sexually and politically. It is to show you that those constraints are social constructs, not natural mandates. And the fact that they have evolved over time means they can keep changing.
Why now?
It only takes a few minutes of reading the news to see that the backlash against women’s rights around the world has come back with a vengeance. In some places of the world the oppression has never left. In western countries, having so many leaders and politicians not only overtly sexists but praised for that, is a pretty clear sign that our culture is overwhelmingly misogynistic. Popular culture is so permeated with gender violence that it is completely normalised and rarely questioned.
I think that the biggest danger for our generation is believing that the fight is over, that “we” have won enough rights, that there is no longer a need to challenge the status quo.
Many can say that things are clearly moving forward, that after #metoo things are not the same. Well, while the movement has raised awareness and placed sexual harassment at the heart of public debate, it is only a tiny step on a long journey. A journey in which, for every step we take forward we are pushed two steps back.
I’m not denying that some things have improved for some women in some countries, but for many others it has gotten worse. Not to mention that for men in some regards the situation is also deteriorating. No, I’m not referring to the perception that a lot of men are becoming paranoid about false accusations of sexual misconduct, but to the fact that violence among men is increasing.
I think that the biggest danger for our generation is believing that the fight is over, that “we” have won enough rights, that there is no longer a need to challenge the status quo. Well, sorry –I’m not sorry– but I refuse to believe that women being paid less for equal work, having to endure sexual harassment everywhere, feeling our opinions are worthless, and that we are constantly judged by how we look and what we chose to do with our bodies is fucking acceptable. IT IS NOT.
So here I am, if only to remind those around me that there is still a lot of work to be done regarding gender equality. This is a long term enterprise that requires everyone to do their part.
I am here because we need to keep breaking taboos around gender to move away from violence and start healing those old patriarchy-inflicted wounds.
Feminism does not only liberate women, but men, trans, queer, non-binary and everyone in between the lovely spectrum, all those who have been oppressed by a patriarchal society.
Because, as a very wise man once told me, the patriarchy only really serves sociopaths.
And you are not a sociopath, right?
