DNA TEST PROVES HUNTER BIDEN AND TRUMP JR SWITCHED AT BIRTH

Project Black Sheep, which studies DNA among underachieving extroverts, announced today that there is 100% chance that President Biden is the biological father of Donald Trump Jr and a 212% chance that former President Trump is the biological father of Hunter Biden.

“Makes sense to me”, Trump Sr. explained. “Hunter is better looking, and Junior is a crook.”

“Besides, who wouldn’t want to be my son. In his place I would have cheated on the test”, the elder Trump continued.

Biden, through a spokesperson, denied the FOX News claim that he had swapped Hunter for Junior in a deal that included cash, a seat on a Ukrainian gas company Board of Directors, an autographed photo of Kimberly Guilfoyle, and a player to be named later (rumored to have been Brett Kavanaugh).

Hunter, now known to be Trump’s son, sat down for a one on one with Tucker Carlson. Carlson himself claims to be a celebrity descendant resulting from a relationship between Darth Vader and Roseanne Barr (he favors his dad). Tucker began with an apology. He explained that FOX news had a policy of changing their position on things whenever it seemed profitable or when sued by Dominion Voting Machines. After all, they are not communists.

Trump Jr., now known to be Biden’s son, did think the corrected paternity might explain his predilection for spontaneously falling asleep in the basement. “I hadn’t thought about this”, Junior conjectured, “but there are times I have to really push back against an impulse to be nice to someone.” Asked if he would continue to attend MAGA rallies, Jr. said he probably he probably would not. “I have had some problems at the rallies” he said. “I’ve lost 2 cell phones, a laptop, a wiretap given to me by President Obama, and a valuable collection of used fast-food wrappers. Besides, it gets ugly when I am wearing women’s clothing and get mistaken for Nancy Pelosi.”