The Burdens of the ‘F’ Word
My grandmother’s eyes shine with pride when I clear the table at the end of a meal. Serving food, coordinating the housework, making rotis — these are all women’s jobs, and expectations she holds from me, not my brother. My grandmother’s ideals stem from the cultural context she was born and brought up in, but her life wasn’t very similar to most women of her time. She was the first female student of her college, and went on to defy expectations by continuing her education even after she’d had children. She was and is a woman of repute, first as a teacher and eventually as a principal.
Is she a feminist?
My mother doesn’t understand my relationship with my body hair. She can’t fathom the thought of not caring about unwaxed arms and how they appear to the general public. She tells me to sit like a lady, with my legs closed. She tries to keep an open-mind when listening to my feminist tirades, but still can’t contain her double-take at a mannequin showcasing anything that’d need you to go braless. My mother’s ideals stem from what she’s been taught is ‘feminine’. She’s a strong-willed woman who refused to conform and insisted upon marrying the man she loved. She mulls over the ideas of feminism that we discuss, and slowly incorporates them into her daily life.
Is she a feminist?
My neighbour follows at least 20 feminism accounts on Instagram, and her story’s always full of important messages and news for the community. She’s an active member of rallies and protests in and around her college. The generation she’s grown up in has learned a lot of its activism from social media. When I went to her house the other day, we were getting ready for a night out. She passed over a skirt she’d tried on, with an offhand, “This is cute but I can’t wear it, it’s too slutty.”
Is she a feminist?
My best friend is a vehement advocate of the importance of mental health. She’s usually the first to point out casual misuse of terminology like OCD, and makes sure to never belittle a person’s trauma. She’s constantly defining intersectional feminism to the less aware. She regularly hooks up with a guy who calls his friends a certain n-word and has ‘no opinions’ on politics.
Is she a feminist?
My aunt is a working woman who’s made her way up the corporate ladder. She takes good care of her employees, and goes out of her way to ensure that her those from all faiths, castes, and creeds are treated with respect. During the last election season, she actively supported and voted for a fascist that advocates violence against those very marginalized communities who gain a safe space in my aunt’s workplace.
Is she a feminist?
The other day, my cousin brother was watching a stand-up comedy segment on YouTube, and laughed at a series of sexist jokes. He likes all the posts I share about feminism. He’s written vehement blog posts of his own, addressing the problem of rape in our country. He’s secure in his masculinity, and lets his younger sister paint his nails with her glittery nail polish.
Is he a feminist?
Intersectional feminism has so many layers to it. It seems to me that so much of our feminism turns out to be unintentional. My grandmother didn’t deem herself a feminist when she pursued her education, but in retrospect, perhaps she was. A lot of our problematic behaviour may also be unintentional. There’s a lot of pressure on feminism and those shouldering the weight of the movement. The second somebody makes a sexist comment which everybody disagrees with, all eyes turn to the feminist, expecting them to speak up. Does abstaining from the label of a ‘feminist’ separate you from the cause? Does it take away from your responsibilities to stand up for what is right? The notions of what and who is and isn’t feminist can often be riddled with grey areas, and those traversing these paths are often met with dead ends. As we continue our journey, we urge you to empathize and understand: it’s not easy being a feminist.
