Yours Queerly
(Still) Not a Wiki
The LGBTQIA+ community is welcoming of anyone who feels discarded or neglected simply because of how they identify — and it does not restrict itself to sexual orientation. Another extremely significant part of the community is exploring gender that’s beyond the binary.
Moving on from sexuality, let us now explore the notion of gender.
Gender is a socially constructed concept that may be difficult for a lot of people to come to terms with, due to several stereotypes and assumptions made based on the way people carry themselves. Gender can be explained through various sub-concepts such as gender expression. In simple terms, it’s how you communicate your gender. It is essentially a spectrum between masculine and feminine.
On the other hand, our biological sex is determined by the genitalia, sex chromosomes and reproductive organs we are born with. And contrary to common belief, it is not a binary notion either. About 2% of the population is born with ambiguous genitalia which may not adhere to the classification of conventional male and female bodies, the intriguing part being that some of us could be a part of the 2% without even knowing so.
The term used to refer to this ambiguity in biological sex is called intersex. This is a biological condition and hence is not a choice. A common misconception is that intersexuals are hermaphrodites. It is considered derogatory to call someone who is intersex as a hermaphrodite as the latter is a term used for plants and animals under observation for genetic research, and not for humans.
There is yet another classification that many of us are aware of, based on whether or not one feels that their gender identity matches the biological sex that was assigned to them during birth. Those who feel that their assigned biological sex matches with their gender identity are called as cis-gender and are among the majority in the world’s population.
At the same time, it should be made clear that there is nothing wrong if the way you identify yourself is different from your assigned sex. People who identify themselves with a gender that does not match with their assigned biological sex are called as transgender and make up the T in the LGBTQIA+ acronym.
A crucial aspect we need to make ourselves clear about is that your gender identity has absolutely nothing to do with you biological sex. Your gender identity is an inherent sense of your gender. Gender identity and gender expression are two very different concepts.
Your gender identity is self-identified. You can have an expression that is considered effeminate, and still want to identify yourself as a male. Gender identity is a fluid concept which may change with time — and that’s okay! It’s your life and hence it’s you who should decide.
People may identify themselves as male, female, gender-fluid, gender-neutral, gender-queer, non-binary and so on, for the spectrum is endless. It’s also essential to address with respect those who have chosen labels and the respective pronouns for themselves. The labels could be looked up on the internet any day, but the bottom line is to be aware and learn to accept.
Labels are only a social construct, and it’s not a necessity for everyone to pick one for themselves at all. Labels were created to have a sense of belonging, to reach out and to nurture acceptance. But if you find yourself picking a label out of societal pressure or influence and then restricting your thoughts, emotions and choices to fit into the box of the label’s definition, it defeats the whole purpose.
“Man up!”, “Boys don’t cry!”, “Sit like a lady!” are a few phrases that you might’ve come across growing up. Unfortunately, we live in a world where society has a set of rules in order to normalize your existence. You are brought up and told to behave in a certain way in order to be socially accepted. Else, you’re considered to be an abnormal being. These labels can often be deeply internalized at the risk of you losing out on your core identity — a struggle that has been raging on since times immemorial.
Through the years, however, we have evolved. We have grown from calling it all as just ‘homosexuality’ to referring to it using the single abbreviation LGBT, to now expanding that abbreviation more, with a ‘+’ sign at the end of it. The ‘+’ sign doesn’t just mean that there are too many letters to fit in there — it is, in fact, a testimony to the fact that there will always be countless labels which haven’t been explored yet.
Ultimately, labels are yours. You can pick a label that you’re comfortable with. They’re like the perfect fitting clothes in some cases. Sometimes, none of the clothes would seem to fit just right. You might not be sure about it yourself. Often, this is when the term queer can be considered.
Queer is an umbrella term for people who don’t want to label or can’t seem to find one that they like. It’s that comfortable big sweater that fits you, your friend, your dad, and basically anyone who wants to wear it.
In the end, there’s no necessitated requirement for one to label themselves. Sometimes the process takes time; sometimes, we just need to meet new people, reminding ourselves of the truthful affirmations about sexuality to forget the inaccurate old ones. Self-love and acceptance are powerful tools that help free oneself from the feeling of wanting to be anyone other than their true selves and to learn to celebrate what makes you different.
We understand that this much information can be a lot to process, but it must be said and acknowledged. Parents, education systems and the media play a vital role in creating awareness, but they have continuously failed, just fearing that their child might turn gay or are worried about the consequences they might face due to societal expectations.
Humans are not born queerphobic — they are taught to be so.
Life is a beautiful journey of discovering yourself. If people are mature enough to decide what they want to be doing for the rest of their lives at the age of 18, then they’re definitely mature enough to identify their sexuality. Sexuality is not a switch to be turned on and off just because someone else disagrees with it. It’s imperative to understand that if you do not struggle with your sexuality, it is not okay to pick on someone who’s struggling with the same. Here are a few tips on how to be an ally:
- Educate and acknowledge the existence of a range of sexualities (this article is not all there is. Make sure you read further through the reference sites linked throughout.)
- Don’t be shy and ask for their preferred pronouns.
- Listen, understand and accept.
- Speak up. Let them know that you don’t find queerphobic jokes funny.
For centuries, people have been oppressed and denied fundamental human rights just for being themselves. Just because it doesn’t affect you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stand up for what’s right. The realm of acceptance includes everybody in their most authentic identity, irrespective of whether they fit into the societal standards. If we have the ability to accept ourselves for who we are, we should be able to accept everybody else for who they identify to be.
At the end of the day, what matters most is you. Live and let live. Who you wish to be or what you wish to portray is entirely your choice, and contrary to what a lot of people may have you believe, it isn’t something that is to be dictated or controlled by outer influences (unless, of course, you are influenced positively). We have been conditioned to live as society deems right, conforming to the rules that have been laid by them for us, and in all honesty, it might seem difficult to break away from it.
The journey towards discovering who you are or who you want to be isn’t something that happens overnight for everybody- it’s filled with moments of figuring out things about yourself that you never knew. And sometimes, the journey never ends.
Be yourself, however close to or far away it is from the existing norms. Treat everybody with the respect and space they demand, exactly like how you’d want to be treated. Love all, but above all, yourself.
Every piece of a mosaic is coloured and shaped differently, and that’s what makes the finished mosaic beautiful.
This piece was penned by Ragavi Vijayaragavan, Sunil Jagatheesan, Surya Sridhar, Haeshini, Shruthi Kumaravel, Ashwin Shekhar, Navilan akilan and Vishnu Dhinakaran.
