Gimme Space!
Allowing is a dance
I first posted this article on my own website three years ago, when colleague Karen Moran and I were leading a class in Mindful Parenting. The framework for the class was built on the “5 A’s” of mindful loving — Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection and Allowing — introduced by Dave Richo in his book How to Be an Adult in Relationships. This is the 5th of five.
The fifth aspect of mindful loving, and therefore mindful parenting, is Allowing. By this we mean allowing appropriate privacy and space, of course. But we also mean leaving physical, mental or emotional space to work through feelings, to problem solve or to create. The size of that space varies with age, situation, and child. In all of these endeavors it is the Allowing of appropriate struggle — without unnecessary interference — that makes new growth and creativity possible.
In this last facet of our series, we come full circle. Mindful Parenting begins with Attention, and Allowing is moderated by Attention. What I mean by this is that we don’t just practice Allowing by itself, because that is nothing more than neglect. We stay present while Allowing, where appropriate, so that when useful struggle starts to devolve into frustration, we can step in just enough to support the dynamic struggle without allowing our children to become overwhelmed. Frustration is a state in which no new…
