Masks Off
The clicking noise of high heels fills the room. Ivy Arabadzhieva rushes into the lobby, carrying a laptop, a mug of coffee and a pile of printed articles. She puts everything on the nearest table with big relief. The wind, coming through the open window, blows away some of the white sheets. Ivy groans and quickly picks up a page that says “Media and Democracy in Eastern Europe.” She tucks a stroke of hair behind her ear and finally sits on the big blue sofa. She apologizes for being late and nervously smiles.
“The past one semester has been literally insane. I am the president of the Model European Union club. I am the head of the marketing department in StartUp. I’m preparing for a really big and challenging international law competition. On top of this, I am writing two senior theses,” says Ivy and puts her phone on silent mode.
As a typical senior at AUBG, Ivy is used to multitasking. In contrast to the majority of students, she doesn’t mind being busy all the time. Ivy´s club activity, in combination with her history and political science majors, makes her feel complete.
“History and politics have consumed my entire existence. I listen to podcasts about politics. I talk about politics with my boyfriend. I think you can’t understand politics if you don’t know your history. History is the politics of the past,” she says and looks down at the pile of papers.
Her passion for history and politics connected her with like-minded people. That’s how Ivy met her closest friends at AUBG. The bond that unites them is so strong that Ivy doesn’t want to imagine a life without them.
“I spent four years living with these people, seeing them every day. It’s going to be so difficult to move on to a life where we will be cities and countries, and continents apart,” Ivy says and looks away.
Before investing into these genuine friendships, Ivy went through a period of an unhealthy relationship with herself. Ever since her teen years, she has struggled with self-esteem issues. Once accepted at AUBG, she got hooked on the idea of becoming someone else.
“All through high school I was the outcast and I didn’t have a lot of friends. I thought when I came to AUBG, I could just change who I was and try to become a whole new person.”
Ivy’s freshman year was all about meeting the standards and proving herself to everyone else. The harder she was trying, the more she was losing her true self.
“My first year is not a time I look back on with fond memories. I think I was deeply unhappy with whom I was trying to be,” she says and takes a sip of her coffee.
From her second year on Ivy started to find her footing. She went from crying on the first day of classes to smiling all the time; from constantly doubting herself to embracing her imperfections; from being lonely to finding friends that feel like family.
“I just feel at home. I feel like AUBG has become my home. It’s a place where I feel secure.”
Even though AUBG has offered Ivy the safety and comfort of a real home, it has also challenged her and stimulated her growth. Ivy has become self-conscious and hungry for more new experiences.
“AUBG has pushed me so far out of my comfort zone. I don’t even know if I have a comfort zone anymore. “
Her big determination and all-round personality weren’t left unnoticed. Robert Phillips, an associate professor at AUBG, describes Ivy as a “dynamo.”
“When in class Ivy thinks about the readings. She thinks about what is happening out in the world. She also thinks about what we have previously discussed. She can pull it all together,” says Professor Phillips.
Today Ivy’s dynamo continues to work at full speed. Ivy smoothly juggles her academic and out-of-class responsibilities. She spends her time with people that truly appreciate her. She has finally taken off all the masks.
“I think I know who the real Ivy is and I didn’t when I first came here. I tried to reinvent myself. I tried to show myself as a person I wasn’t. Now I can finally be who I feel I am on the inside.”
Ivy believes that the key to self-appreciation can be found in simplicity. The moment she stopped setting highly idealistic goals was the moment of her big inner victory.
“When I was younger, I really wanted to change the word and be remembered forever. I don’t want that anymore. I just want to do something good, even if it’s just for one person. That’ll be enough for me.”
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Yoana Blagova studies journalism and political science at the American University in Bulgaria. She shares Ivy’s passion for politics.
