5 Ways I Plan on Using iOS 10 to Spoil the Man I Don’t Have

This time around I plan to update on the first prompt. Why? FOR MY MAN! (That I, ummm, do not have.)

There’s just too many cool features to pass up and I’ve created imaginary scenarios for each. (You may find this useful if you, too fancy a bit of escapism or ya know, actually have a mate of some sort.)

Feature: Search Along Route: Basically find stuff while you’re already using Maps without having to stop and do a new route because that’s annoying and stupid and has been annoying and stupid this whole time.

Scenario: I was a little snippy via text, let me rectify the situation by bringing home a couple burrito bowls and bougie green juices. But hold up, I need to do this in the fastest way possible because I have trash TV to consume and my 300 followers are waiting for my live tweets. Good thing I got the update…

Feature: Animations in iMessage: Basically stunt on emojis by sending grandiose, semi-obnoxious animated stuffs

Scenario: Ok, he put it down last night. I’m gonna show my appreciation in an extremely adult fashion— with balloons. A little ego stroking never hurt anyone, good thing I got the update…

Feature: Personalizations: Basically draw on stuff, send your heartbeat, all that fun stuff

Scenario: There comes a time when an eggplant emoji and the little rain drops just won’t do. Time to get a little artistic. Good thing I got the update…

Feature: Bigger, Smaller, and Animated Bubbles: Basically scream or whisper your message, make it spin around, etc. Anything for EMPHASIS, right?

Scenario: A little midday mushy iMessage that’s just as bubbly and in-your-face as I am ;) Who doesn’t wanna hear how amazing they are in the utterly romantic medium that is text messaging? Good thing I got the update…

Feature: Handwritten Messages: Basically show that you’re still a human being who can actually write

Scenario: There’s only one way to say, “My God you are incredibly annoying but I’ll keep you around because you’re easy on the eyes.” It only works in scribble scrabble. With iOS 10. Good thing I got the update.

Jascmeen is a twenty-something writer living in Los Angeles. You can find her brazen self-promotion on her Instagram, read her babbling on her blog, and watch her being weird on her YouTube channel.