An update from the migrants Ron DeSantis sent to Martha’s Vineyard
MARTHA’S VINEYARD, MA — Florida Governor and dude whose face always looks like he needs to poo, Ron DeSantis, recently took a break from poking Mickey Mouse Voodoo dolls to send 50 migrants to Martha’s Vineyard without warning.
Democrats were suspicious of DeSantis’ surprise plan to send migrants to so-called “sanctuary states.” They thought he did so to retaliate against President Biden’s immigration policies, but who would do something so nice as sending a bunch of people to one of the most beautiful places in the US?
DeSantis really showed them how migrants should be treated. Perhaps Biden should take a page out of his book.
While DeSantis was too busy with his guns for toddlers program to speak to us directly, a spokesperson for the Governor said, “While we get a lot of flak for not wanting immigrants in our country of immigrants, we thought we could do something nice for them and at least not have them in Florida. I’m the Governor of this place and it kind of sucks ass.”
While the exact cost of the trip, including two planes, bussing, and one shared happy meal, isn’t known at this time, DeSantis’ spokesperson assures us that money did not come from his re-election fund but most likely from the money they aren’t using to fix the state’s public schools.
Currently, the migrants are being treated well with temporary housing, and wine and cheese parties where they mingle with celebrities and have started to wonder why they wanted to go to Florida in the first place.
One of the migrants told us “Thank God, they took us out of that swamp. The only things we saw down there were a bunch of alligators and pruny old people who looked like leather.”
An anonymous source tells us that people born and raised in Florida have become so riddled with jealousy that they are looking into how to be migrants too so that they can go also go to Martha’s Vineyard.
