Stuff Said to Americans Abroad
Published in
2 min readDec 16, 2021
- Americans don’t care about family.
- Americans only care about money.
- If I give you the money, will you buy me something from America?
- America has no history. (Mostly Europeans say this.)
- America has no culture. (Always Europeans.)
- Why are Americans so fat? (Northern Europeans ask this.)
- America is corrupt too, just nobody talks about it. (Comes up in corrupt countries.)
- Why do you ask “How are you?” if you don’t wait for an answer? (Comes up in Russian-speaking countries.)
- Why do you care more about guns than children? (Parents ask this.)
- Don’t shoot me! (People who think they’re funny say this, while putting their hands up.)
- America is the land of freedom. (Always uttered sincerely, by people who claim to be from unfree countries.)
- Americans don’t understand real freedom. (Always by people who claim they do.)
- Americans don’t understand math.
- Americans have funny accents. (Said by people with funny accents, obviously.)
- Americans have ugly accents. (Said by people with really funny accents.)
- My brotha! (Only young men who are not black say this to young American men who are also not black.)
- Do you understand? You like? (Only ever asked after rap music of dubious provenance has been turned on.)
- Have you ever seen a celebrity? (Only if you say you are from Los Angeles or New York.)
- Oh… (Only if you say you are not from Los Angeles or New York.)
- Americans don’t know geography.
- It is my dream to visit America. (Only for those with no shot of doing so.)
- I love America. (Only professed by those who have lived in America.)
